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New People I Knew---Matt
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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New People I Knew---Matt |
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ChristianSpeaks Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 396Iowa, USA |
Matt Matt is the center focus Of a huge spotlight pointed Dead center on a stage in his mind. He doesn’t realize that there are those Who occupy the area outside of the hard focus Of that distant light. And life will not forgive what happens inside The light, or consciousness, or whatever you want to call it For the sole reason that it happened when he thought it was okay, But he will be crushed under the weight of His own lack of common sense. In a true instance of poetic license I hope that I can enter the special At the exact time when life Shows who is running the show Placing the weight of the world on his virgin shoulders And I will look him in the face and say, “I told you so.” An artist's job is not to commentate the truth. |
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| © Copyright 2006 Dane Barner - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
When writing free verse, one has to be very careful to distinguish it from prose. Simply breaking lines at "funny" places is not sufficient. To be poetry, it must be compact and concise. The word must be carefully chosen for maximum impact. Take what you have here and say it with no more than half that many words. Make use of metaphor or simile or some other poetic construct so as to paint a verbal portrait. As the cliche says, poetry must "show, not tell." |
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ChristianSpeaks Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 396Iowa, USA |
Dear Moderator- As I young writer I will not even begin to argue a converse point directly. I will only say that no where in any accepted difinition is free verse poetry limited to concise or compact perameters. e.e cummings work flirts with prose regularly. I think from what I have read and learned that this brand of poetry is not restricted as some of the metrical forms. The only measure that is placed on this form is that it creates a picture of representation of truth or created truth. I encourage you to read some of my other post and comment. I will always endeavor to create better work and appreciate your comments. CS |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Of course, we're not here to argue at all. You posted in CA and implicitly asked for opinions. I gave mine. That's all. I rarely try free verse so I'm certainly no expert. I think there is pretty general agreement though that it requires special attention to separate it from prose. Simply claiming that there are no rules doesn't do it. |
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kif kif Member
since 2006-06-01
Posts 439BCN |
Dear writer; Even in freestyle, rules have to be observed within it, whether it is the rule to repeat an emerging pattern, or to continue with new forms. These new forms are within the piece, and not neccesarily new within the art of writing, therefore, hold their own rules...(in relation to how best they can perform with what else you place in your writing.) If you don't know how it works, then you can't break it effectively. Getting to the content...the light 'happened', but he had no sense to deal with it. I understand that, yet feel you need to expand on why you've made this sweeping statement (to back up with the word 'virgin' does link with 'common', but in this instance, isn't everyone, until 'it' happens to them? I get a sense that you're equating ignorance with stupidity-I want to know why). Then, you talk of 'entering the special', which I don't understand. The special what? There's something about the atmosphere, or the attitude of the speaker that repels me. 'I told you so' is perhaps sparking that. I did enjoy the conversational, anecdotal style, I'd advise you to use that, and not bother with enjambments, as it's unnatural here. [This message has been edited by kif kif (07-01-2006 08:44 AM).] |
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ChristianSpeaks Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 396Iowa, USA |
Thank you for your extened response. The "special" and "light" is a referal to stage direction in accordance to Union specified language in Stage Craft. I was a Stage Hand for abotu 5 years. A special is a light focused on a partucular spot on stage that an actor is supposed to enter at a particular time. A hard focus is where a light(instrument) is made to have a very sharp edge making a perfect circle. The virgin reference is used to denote something that happens to a person that hasn't happened before. Hopefully that makes the piece easier to read. I don not think that poetry can't be conversational. Who said that poetry has to be hard to understand. Why can't it be understood by anyone who has a similiar point of reference. That is what I am trying to do. Thanks for your input. CS An artist's job is not to commentate the truth. |
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