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Dreaming
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Dreaming |
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Archea Member
since 2006-05-13
Posts 65United States |
inside the dreamers dream i stayed, brought out a pen and wrote dismay. upon the eagles back i flew, picked out the feathers, two by two. beside the fire i reside, moved my palms to confide. under ground with space and time, wrapped around to my design. inside the dreamers dream i stayed, reality gone, the price i paid. |
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| © Copyright 2006 Lonny Widdison - All Rights Reserved | |||
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cynicsRus Senior Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 591So Cal So Cool! |
I almost missed this, and it’s actually one of the few genuinely interesting poems posted to this forum of late. The only point at which your Iambic Tetrameter really trips up is in L6, (Ignoring the bump in the last line, which could easily be chalked up to purposeful Modulation). That would be an easy fix. I don’t know what else I would care to change in this. It seems a nice fantasy—if not insight, into impending mental instability. I haven’t decided which. But as the reader, I suppose I'm entitled to apply whatever meaning I wish to use. If you must carp: Carpe diem! ICSoria My poetry forum. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
quote: Here is the meat of the thing. I like the idea of using fantasy images and then letting them flow in odd directions (No kidding). Perhaps, a continued juxtaposition of a narrative exposition of these two images? The dream stuff doesn't do much for me. |
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