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Critical Analysis #2

midnight

Archea
Member

since 2006-05-13

Posts 65
United States

0 posted 2006-06-01 12:07 PM

pacing
Sifting
drifting to nothing as the tide sweeps me.

carving
weaving
leaving a path for the others to follow.

borrow me
follow me
this midnight ride cant be long.

swallow me
as my spirit flows into you,
making you whole again.

The Lady
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-12-26

Posts 7634
The Southwest

1 posted 2006-06-03 12:06 PM

"borrow me
follow me
this midnight ride cant be long"

Thanks for taking me along Archea.
Excellent work.

Skippyrick
Member

since 2006-05-16

Posts 150
Rohnert Park

2 posted 2006-06-04 01:18 PM

Hi:

In like the short lines and the long lines. I tend to use this method at times as well. But I think in this case it you rhymed the third lines It would really swing.

pacing
Sifting
drifting to nothing as the tide sweeps me.

carving
weaving
leaving a path for the others to see.

borrow me
follow me
this midnight ride cant be easy.

swallow me
as my spirit flows into you,
making you whole and or free.

Just a thought

thanks for sharing
Rick

synthetic
Member

since 2006-06-10

Posts 70
ontario, canada

3 posted 2006-06-10 02:13 PM

simplistically complex. i enjoyed it very much

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