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Critical Analysis #2

So Comfortable

Mike1
New Member

since 2006-04-25

Posts 8

0 posted 2006-05-21 03:13 PM

Sitting on the couch
so comfortable
Laying on my pillow
just miserable
Waiting to drink my tea
and be me
Leaving the distress
of the day behind
Sip as I pour some more
tea with honey
Sweet sugar
of natures flower it is

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

1 posted 2007-01-10 06:01 PM

Okay, I bumped this one because it reminded me of one of my favorite lines from Buffy:

Spike to Giles:

"Did you see your life pass before your eyes? Cup o' tea, cup o'tea, almost get shagged, cup o' tea?"

ashlbee_86
New Member

since 2007-01-24

Posts 9
Michigan, USA

2 posted 2007-01-24 02:28 AM

I really like this poem, I have just a suggestion though.

I think the line, "of the day behind" seems to long to fit right. All the other even lines are three or-mostly-four syllables long.

Other then that, this poem seems pretty perfect.

sampo
Member

since 2007-02-25

Posts 54
oz

3 posted 2007-03-07 04:17 PM

(Sitting on the couch
so comfortable
Laying on my pillow
just miserable)

comfortable and miserable
clash for me, comfort
implies contentment to me.
same with sitting and laying.

(Waiting to drink my tea
and be me
Leaving the distress
of the day behind)

missed opportunity here
to show why you are now
distressed.

(Sip as I pour some more
tea with honey)

sipping and pouring
at the same time?

(Sweet sugar
of natures flower it is)

not sure about the ending,
could be the way that i am
reading, but seems to be
a sentence fragment.

hope this helps.

regards,

sampo.

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