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Disquietude
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Disquietude |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563
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the heart beat of the clock in the silence of my mind casts shadows of fear; grey spaces that smell of stale roses, of promises unkept. images of loved ones loom closer now, yet they cannot dispel the shadows, instead, they stand beside them, throwing down their own spaces of grey. "It is wisdom to know others; It is enlightenment to know one's self" - Lao Tzu |
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| © Copyright 2006 warmhrt - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Undaunted Junior Member
since 2006-03-31
Posts 10Ohio, USA |
Hi warmhrt, I hope you don't mind a newbie barging into critique your poem. I will offer as much as I can to the best of my knowledge as a beginning writer. the heart beat of the clock in the silence of my mind casts shadows of fear; (this is brilliant. I love how you liken the ticking of a clock to a heartbeat. "casts shadows of fear" also very nice. I can feel the anticipation. Very effective.) grey spaces that smell of stale roses, of promises unkept.(I like the feeling of loneliness this evokes.) images of loved ones loom closer now, (are these apparitions? Or pictures in your mind?) yet they cannot dispel the shadows, instead, they stand beside them, throwing down their own spaces of grey. (Powerful ending, I love it. I catch on to the betrayal or perhaps the departure of these loved ones that so cannot overcome the shadows but instead cast more. If that is what you were going for here, it works extremely well.) I absolutely love poems such as this, and really enjoyed reading this. |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Hi, I thank you for your kind comments. Yes, the "loved ones" are images, not apparitions (lol). I am glad you enjoyed. Kris "It is wisdom to know others; |
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