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Critical Analysis #2
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Oatmeal's better than no meal
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Oatmeal's better than no meal |
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talesien Junior Member
since 2006-03-13
Posts 10Ohio, USA |
[u]Oatmeal’s better than no meal[/u] Gary LeMaster, 2006 Every situation had a saying attached. In that slightly shaky tenor Striving to dispense wisdom, In quarter sized drops. Like so much sugar, Those words stuck with me, Often in hidden places Where I wouldn’t find them Until the glare of a scene Brought them back to light. Too many times I complained About his sayings, his discipline, His being. I needed a father. He needed a grandson. We both missed the point. |
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| © Copyright 2006 talesien - All Rights Reserved | |||
Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Gary~ Welcome to PiP ! I'm not a critiquer in the strict sense of the word ... but there is something in your piece that touched me and I wanted you to know that~ *Huglets*  ~*Marge*~ ~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~ |
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talesien Junior Member
since 2006-03-13
Posts 10Ohio, USA |
Thank you so much! It is always a welcome thing to hear that something of yourself resonted with another. Gary |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hey Gary, First off let me just say welcome to pip! I can relate really well to your poem, but I would like to ask what the meaning of the title is? Would you care to enlighten me, cause I’m kind of lost! The first stanza was a bit confusing, or that’s what I thought. It had its good points, but it was like you were messing with my mind! I couldn’t understand all of it… Also on the first stanza when the reader first reads this, they won’t understand the gist of the poem. As for the second stanza; I loved this part most of all. It was simple to understand, it was me in many ways… except I’m not a grandson, but anyway… Btw, I’m not intending to be harsh, so if it comes across that I am, I apologize! Just wanted to tell you welcome to pip, and I enjoyed your poem! Please continue to post more. Stargal~ P.S. You might consider changing the title of the poem? @-->--- |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
I, like Marge, am not much of a critiquer, but I just wanted to say welcome to Pip! I enjoyed reading your poem and hope you'll post more soon!  ~Alli~ |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
wow... i must apologize, i did not realize you did not encourage critiques:, please disregard my earlier post. @-->--- |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Anything posted in CA is subject to critique regardless of the poet's profile. That's what we do here. |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hey Gary, I guess it's about time I came back to say something about your poem. I don't know much about free verse so I can't offer much in the way of useful analysis. I did find it quite interesting and, I thought, quite well written. I found your closing lines really powerful. You made an ironic point vividly. The only nit I might have is the capitalization of every line. It took our free verse writers a long time to break me of that but I can see that it can be distracting, particularly in FV. Hope to see more soon. Pete |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Hi, I just loved this, and think that the words and imagery were well done. I especially liked the first stanza, and the two lines: "Like so much sugar, Those words stuck with me," They perfectly describe how an older family member's advice would stay with you. Good work, and hope to see more of you. Kris "It is wisdom to know others; |
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talesien Junior Member
since 2006-03-13
Posts 10Ohio, USA |
Thank you all for your kind words. I will work on a better way to break lines so that I can get rid of the capitlization. Gary |
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