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Critical Analysis #2
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MY FIRST POSTED POEM FOR REVIEW>LOVE POISON
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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MY FIRST POSTED POEM FOR REVIEW>LOVE POISON |
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MUSEconnieSEconnie Member
since 2006-02-28
Posts 74california |
(PLEASE EXCUSE CAPS>>>>I AM BLIND)  LOVE POISON A CROWD OF CENTAURS SURROUNDED THE TAPESTRY IN AWE SILKY WOVEN GARLANDS OF STARS DEPICTED A PATHWAY ON A MOUNTAINSIDE SLOPING SOFTLY TOWARDS ASHADEDFLOWERING MEADOW WHERE DEIANARA WAITED FOR HER HEROIC HERCULES HER FACE WAS ETCHED WITH ANTICIPATION SHE HELD A GOLDEN AMULET STRUCK WITH HER OWN LIKENESS A GIFT TO GRACE HIS CHEST THEY HUNG THE TAPESTRY IN THE GREAT HALL WHERE HIS BEAUTIFUL WIFE KNELT AND WEPT CLUTCHING A LOCK OF HIS HAIR TO HER BREAST SHE REMEMBERED HIS AGONY HIS DEATH HAD BEEN HER FAULT... THE FINELY FEATHERED ARROWS INFUSED WITH HYDRA VENOM HAD FOUND THEIR MARK EASILY PIERCING THE BODY OF THE MOLESTING CENTAUR FREEING FRIGHTENED DEIANARA FROM HIS TRATOROUS CLUTCHES ON THE BLACK HEARTED ADVICE OF THE DYING CENTAUR SHE USED THE ENCHANTED BLOOD FROM THE ARROWS AS A LOVE POTION SMEARING IT ON HERCULES' TUNIC THE HYDRA VENOM KISSED THE FIBERS AND HERCULES' BRONZED SKIN THE STING OF DEATH WAS IMMEDIATELY UPON HIM HIS MIND WAS CONFUSED THOUGH HE LAID DYING BEFORE HER HORRIFIED EYES AT THAT MOMENT HE FELT MORE LOVE THAN HE EVER HAD FOR HIS ACCIDENTAL MURDERESS [This message has been edited by MUSEconnieSEconnie (03-01-2006 07:31 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2006 CONNIE HUGHES - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Your critique message says to be brutally honest: kill the all-caps. |
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MUSEconnieSEconnie Member
since 2006-02-28
Posts 74california |
I MAKE IT A HABIT TO READ BIOS BEFORE I REVIEW. IT IS VERY HELPFUL. FOR INSTANCE, I AM BLIND. MY BIO STATES THAT. THE CAPS HELP ME SEE SO I DO NOT HAVE TO GO THROUGH TOO MUCH WITH COPY, PASTE,ENLARGE THEN DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN TO POST. SOME OF MY EARLIER STUFF IS NOT IN CAPS BECAUSE I HAD NOT LOST THE SIGHT IN MY LEFT EYE AND PART OF IT IN MY RIGHT. THANK YOU FOR YOUR HONEST REVIEW, BUT DID YOU LIKE THE POEM OR NOT? LOVE LIGHT LAUGHTER MUSEconnieHUES I AM BLIND/I POST IN CAPS. FORGIVE IF THEY ARE UNCOMFORTABLE. A VOICE READER HELPS ME READ POSTS. MY SCR-NAME POSTED WRONG, IT IS MUSEconnieHUES |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
CONNIE~ WELCOME TO PIP~ I SHALL RESPOND IN CAPS TO YOU SO IT WILL BE EASIER FOR YOU TO READ~ BLESS YOU FOR HAVING MORE COURAGE THAN MANY OF US MIGHT HAVE UNDER THE SAME CIRCUMSTANCES~ I GREATLY ENJOYED YOUR ENTRANCE POEM~ THERE IS RICH IMAGERY IN YOUR THOUGHTS~ 'SILKY WOVEN GARLANDS OF STARS DEPICTED A PATHWAY ON A MOUNTAINSIDE SLOPING SOFTLY TOWARDS ASHADEDFLOWERING MEADOW' THAT IS JUST STUNNING~ AGAIN, WELCOME TO PIP ... WE ARE A WARM CIRCLE OF POETS WHO JOIN HANDS WITH OUR NEWCOMERS~ *HUGLETS*  ~*MARGE*~ ~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~ |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
CONNIE I'LL FOLLOW MARGE WITH CAP LETTERS FOR YOU TO READ. I REALLY ENJOYED THE STORY IN THIS POEM AND THE IMAGERY. WELCOME TO PASSIONS!! |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
WELCOME TO PASSIONS CONNIE.. I LOVE YOUR ENTRANCE POST! I'M SURE YOU ARE GOING TO ENJOY IT HERE!!! ~SMILES & HUGS, NANCY~ |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
CONNIE - WELCOME TO PASSIONS IN POETRY! I LIKED YOUR POEM HERE -- BUT I AM NOT ONE TO GIVE SERIOUS CRITIQUE. KEEP WRITING AND I WILL BE WATCHING FOR MORE. |
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Trillium
since 2001-03-09
Posts 12098Idaho, USA |
HI CONNIE: I LIKED YOUR POEM VERY MUCH AND WELCOME TO THE FORUM. NICE THAT YOU HAVE JOINED US AND I ADMIRE YOUR ABILITY AND ARTISTRY! BETTY LOU (TRILLIUM) Betty Lou Hebert |
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MUSEconnieSEconnie Member
since 2006-02-28
Posts 74california |
MANY THANKS EVERYONE. I WILL LOOK FORWARD TO RETURNING THE FAVORS WITH MY HUMBLE REVIEWS.****DISCLAIMER: I AM NEW AT DOING REVIEWS. FORGIVE ME IF I SOUND TOO HARSH. A REVIEW IS ONLY MY OPINION. LOVE LIGHT LAUGHTER MUSEconnieHUES |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
WELCOME TO PASSIONS CONNIE! DO YOU READ BRAILLE? DO YOU USE THE JAWS PROGRAM? I ENJOYED THE IMAGERY IN YOUR POEM VERY MUCH. YOU ARE A WONDERFUL STORY TELLER. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Welcome, Connie. Your explanation makes sense - for what it's worth, I can't find in your bio where it says you are blind? To be honest, however, that doesn't change my opinion. I too respect your courage and diligence in going forward with writing in spite of (or perhaps, because of?) your disability. Poetry, at least to me, is part visual as well - while I certainly respect your choice to write in all caps, I find it distracting. That being said, and with your explanation, keep it up - each of us are here to enjoy ourselves and there's no reason for you to listen to me and reduce your enjoyment!  For the poem itself - I have mixed feelings: it certainly reads like a Grecian story, replete with love and death (aren't those the common themes for all Greek... uhm... tragedies? But for that reason, it reads less like a poem. Mind you, this is just my opinion (and we've already determined what that's worth, lol). I think a little less "standard" language could go a long way toward helping this become a better poem. The imagination is there, the ability to put cohesive meaning is there, so perhaps just a bit of tweaking with the language, perhaps, and it can go up yet another notch. Once more, welcome to Passions - I feel comfortable that you'll find many a welcome and many an opinion on your work. Peace, Christopher |
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MUSEconnieSEconnie Member
since 2006-02-28
Posts 74california |
I ADJUSTED MY SIGNATURE TO REFLECT WHY I USE THE CAPS. I WILL TRY TO MENTION IT OFTEN SO NO ONE THINKS I AM SHOUTING>LOL! PER THE POEM, I WILL CERTAINLY LOOK AT IT THROUGH YOUR EYES. I AM LOOKING FOR THIS KIND OF FEED BACK. MANY THANKS MY FRIEND. LOVE LIGHT LAUGHTER YOU ARE DEFINATELY  |
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MsSouthernOrchid Member
since 2003-07-12
Posts 192 |
Hi Again Muse, I do not critique, but I do know what I enjoy and I enjoyed this poem. I think it's very good. |
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