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Critical Analysis #2

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MsSouthernOrchid
Member

since 2003-07-12

Posts 192

0 posted 2006-02-22 01:17 PM

Thought I would try another.

Leaving

I hold my breath,
heart pounding in my chest.
Just words, mere words,
is this some kind of test?

I see your lips moving, speaking,
yet why can't I hear?
I turn my face away,
"What did you say again dear?"

I reach out a trembling hand
to arrange magazines on the table.
Then cling to the edge for support,
my knees feel weak and unstable.

Your words form again,
breaking the silence of the room.
Pounding inside my head,
they fill my heart with doom.

Your good-bye is so hollow,
just a whisper and lacking emotion.
The closing of the door behind you
destroys my world in one small motion.

MGROVES

Member Elite

since 2004-02-01

Posts 3802
california

1 posted 2006-02-22 02:22 PM

understand this. heart felt.

My spirit will rise
above the sea~
There will be no drowning
of my soul or me~

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

2 posted 2006-02-23 12:25 PM

Just one little suggestion. Although not a requirement, rhyming poetry usually works better with meter. It can be very difficult to do otherwise without seeming trite.

Well, maybe two then. Your rhymes seem a little forced. This, of course, may be due to the suggestion above.

MsSouthernOrchid
Member

since 2003-07-12

Posts 192

3 posted 2006-02-23 01:31 AM

MGRoves, thanks again for your kind response. I appreciate it much.

NotAPoet, thank you also for responding. I am having problems understanding meter in poetry as this seems to be a continuing problem for me. I hate to admit it, but it's true. LOL Can you explain more fully?

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