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Critical Analysis #2
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Lotta Lagg
Junior Member
since 2006-01-02
Posts 19
Michigan

0 posted 2006-01-04 11:16 PM



Dirt to Dust

Beneath the dirt we lie to dust
Ecstasy will lift my soul adjust
Encounter my substance that I suppress
Beneath the dirt my body a mess
My soul shall fulfill eternity abound
While my body below decade the ground
Psyche I’m free
Anatomy never to be
~

"One Oneness One"

© Copyright 2006 Therese - All Rights Reserved
Dominique-Simone
Senior Member
since 2005-11-12
Posts 643

1 posted 2006-01-07 11:38 PM


Try not to rhyme and use more physical decriptions. Like the part that says your body a mess. well desribe in a sentence or two what that looks like.
gelato
Member
since 2005-10-27
Posts 63
TN,USA
2 posted 2006-01-09 12:23 PM


I liked it very much and it was very descriptive to me.I was really able to imagine the dark forboding that you told of.
I like rhymes in certain poems.

"Relationships are the one tangible connection we have with God" - Purpose Driven Life

elpoeta
Junior Member
since 2006-01-17
Posts 15
Puerto Rico
3 posted 2006-01-18 02:20 PM


I'm not sure what my soul will adjust to in line two...  and who encounters your substance that you surpress.  I feel like there's a line or two missing, like there's more to this poem.  

I did like it, and it was very thought provoking.

Mike

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