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To A Sunflower
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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To A Sunflower |
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latearrival Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499Florida 
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To A Sunflower Oh stately Sunflower Why doest thou hang thy head in shame? Are thee not proud of thy long summer's reign? If thou must go, go with a queenly grace Do not hang thy head as in disgrace. jo perry Hi, Need help with this.I do not know the correct forms of thee and thou. Should I just use you and your? I like the sound, but need your help with it. Thanks. martyjo |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Martijo, Actually, it's your choice what you write and how you do it. Personally, I like to occasionally use older language. I think one must be careful in doing so, particularly don't overdo it. It can beome tiresome for readers pretty quickly. Also, it is important to be consistent within a poem. If you use archaic language for part, don't throw in any really modern lingo. Thee and thou are fairly simple. Thou is the subjective case and thee is the objective. That is thou/thee is used analogously to he/him or she/her. They are also used as third person when related to a verb. Of course, there is more to it than that but it is a good start anyway. |
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latearrival Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499Florida |
thank you for explaining.But did I put the thou and thee in the right places? I am a dunce at this. I guess I should just use you and yours. |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Try substituting she for thou and her for thee, making the appropriate verb changes. This should tell you that your one thee should be thou. While you're at that, remember to use the third person verb form. Where you have "are thee" I believe it should be "art thou" instead. |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
I like this. I just have a few suggestions: * "Do" as an auxilory, followed by another verb is idle. As all verbs imply "doing". I believe just "hang" alone may work better. * "go, go" I think this line may flow much better with only one "go" * Also grace/disgrace as a rhyme doesn't work well with the same word over again. It may work much better with a different word perhaps face, or even ways. * (also a word such a, of, the, should not be capitalized in a title, unless it is the first word of the title: "To a Sunflower" instead of "To A Sunflower" a were correctly capitalized if your title were "A Sunflower") Perhaps something like this: To a Sunflower Oh stately Sunflower Why hangest thou thy head in shame? Art thou not proud of thy long summer's reign? If thou must go, hold up a queenly face hang not thy head as in disgrace. I hope my suggestions are sound. |
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latearrival Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499Florida |
Essorant,Thank you. It looks and sounds much better.It is just a little ditty. But I was not sure of it.martyjo |
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Angel1 Junior Member
since 2005-06-29
Posts 20TN, USA |
Don't forget, soemtimes you need to take creative license. Meaning that it's not always correct english that matters so much as it is making the poem work. |
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latearrival Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499Florida |
Thank you Angel1, It was just a few words to the Sunflowers going to seed and falling to the ground from the rain and wind. Kind of sad to see them go. martyjo |
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John R Member
since 2000-12-14
Posts 141Toledo OH |
One comment The word Oh in the beginning is an exclaimation. You use it as a greeting and it should be just "O" "O Sunflower" ect. John |
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latearrival Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499Florida |
Thank you John, You know I put this in here hesitatingly, because I know it was just a little thing. But now I am glad I did as I have learned a lot from all of you. best to you,martyjo |
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Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan |
Jo -------- Sunflower Why do you hang your head ? I am not proud And any summer's reign is never long Since I must go as well, Let it be with a certain grace Oh little Sunflower You are more beautiful than the rest ----------------- A thought |
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latearrival Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499Florida |
Thank you, I had really forgotten this little ditty... martyjo |
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