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Critical Analysis #2
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b.costen
Member
since 2003-11-02
Posts 107
ontario, CAN

0 posted 2005-04-13 01:06 PM


My eyebrows come off as distant crows against the sky light
The kids outside are sweaty women dying in a dark room,
   clanging on the walls,
   begging for the gas to stop.
The school’s screams come to me on a stale wind,
And I wonder what was there before the children playing.

Opening the glass patio door means
Everything becomes itself
My brain passes judgement on the reality of symbols
Instantaneously, I am enamoured with feeling
And feelings of regret for the past five minutes
Of just sitting there, listening to the poetry of Jack Gilbert
And, I decide, the poetry of Jack Gilbert’s heart.

© Copyright 2005 ben costen - All Rights Reserved
netsky
Member
since 2005-03-29
Posts 148
Miami
1 posted 2005-04-13 09:58 PM


I have a bad time mangaging this old-time forum software. Am not familiar.. how does one "quote" other than by c and p?

------

My eyebrows come off as distant crows against the sky light

=====First half of the metaphor thrills me, ben.  But then the next mix-in confuses my bwain.  whaaaa? (these being flow-of-the-read impressions)
The kids outside are sweaty women dying in a dark room,
   clanging on the walls,
   begging for the gas to stop.


=====Auschwitz! huh?


The school’s screams come to me on a stale wind,
And I wonder what was there before the children playing.


===Schools are built on ancient? grounds, where who knows what past deaths and horrors occurred??
Opening the glass patio door means
Everything becomes itself

=====reality instead of buffered, mere optical transmission through man-made glass???


My brain passes judgement on the reality of symbols


====I see...


Instantaneously, I am enamoured with feeling
And feelings of regret for the past five minutes
Of just sitting there, listening to the poetry of Jack Gilbert


====mixed "emo", yes?  (I don't know Jack Gilbert, and hardly, you.


And, I decide, the poetry of Jack Gilbert’s heart.

=====is what?  Is what?  Begin the read again, reid:
My eyebrows come off as distant crows against the sky light....

=====and so, ben, I am a bit lost again.
In my very limited, present understanding of this poem not much is said after that brilliant first metaphor.  You'll probably need to help me get more of your vision, by synopsis which I now formally request.  Of course you can wait for other comments to come first.  It is early.  But this poem is quite daunting, I think.  

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