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Critical Analysis #2
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a Swift end
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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a Swift end |
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b.costen Member
since 2003-11-02
Posts 107ontario, CAN |
at the beach, feet first, Rolando needs a drink. you get up to walk and see this marvellous girl—emerging looking into water—lazy on the ground head down; you know her eyes see straight up into sky inviting weather with that soft expression on his baked lids you decide to do something silly and kick him in the head |
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| © Copyright 2005 ben costen - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Sorry Ben. This one doesn't do much for me. |
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netsky Member
since 2005-03-29
Posts 148Miami |
Ben, please tell me how closely I understand your poem at the beach, feet first, Rolando needs a drink. Rolando is laying on the sand you get up to walk "you" being the reader. Hey, interesting placement of the reader in place of the usual protagonist. and see this marvellous girl—emerging Only one 'l' in 'marvelous' looking into water—lazy on the ground head down; you know her I am looking at her coming out of the water. I glance at Rolando on the ground with his head down on the sand, in the sand. I know -her- and I think she's a fair sight better looking than Rolando... whose... eyes see straight up into sky inviting weather with that soft expression on his baked lids hah, the 'weather' is about to get stormy. I look at her and at him and think: 'Rolando, you fool.. staring your red lids into the sky while this beautiful girl is nearby. You fool Rolando! you decide to do something silly and kick him in the head Yes, I think I shall. But... Rolando does not get the joke. [This message has been edited by netsky (04-08-2005 11:12 PM).] |
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b.costen Member
since 2003-11-02
Posts 107ontario, CAN |
hehe, thanks for the spelling correction all correctly interpretted except that the "you", the reader as you put it, is a girl in a reply to some of your other posts, i'm glad that you've gotten into poetry, even some of your early work has been interesting, i'll comment on it when i have the time hopefully you stick with it and the rewards will come eventually so what's it going to be then, eh? |
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netsky Member
since 2005-03-29
Posts 148Miami |
ah, so if I had had a clue then that "you" is a girl then it all makes so much more for the wry comedy! as for "rewards coming". These are them here already: poetry must be it's own reward. there is no other gain but the joy of making something that touches others. Harder, though, to sit down and sift through other people's poems for the compacted meanings. I give you special attention because nurture of special people is something I like to do. I like underdogs and neglected, off-beat poets. I like off beat. So, please don't you ever go too mainstream on me, OK? OH! PS: Only place for two "t"s in "interpretted" ha hah hah! am rather fond of you. Show more imperfections, please, mr. underdog of the sharp life-vision |
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b.costen Member
since 2003-11-02
Posts 107ontario, CAN |
i promise to never go mainstream "mr. underdog of the sharp life-vision" .. haha awesome p.s. you should implement one of your past posts "It's all part of the desensitizing and learning experiences for us both, and for us all here. Styles. Differences. Celebrate, share, compare and take lumps of salt for each tenth of sugar." into a poem somehow, i think it might be good anyway. not a direct use of your post, but perhaps a theme building off the same tree? gluck, ben so what's it going to be then, eh? |
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netsky Member
since 2005-03-29
Posts 148Miami |
thanks, but in reply to your p.s., how about -you- make something from that. I'd be so honored. My prose is something awful worse if I belabor it into a poem. I've never tried. I don't think I'd care to! But -you-.. take that theme and make a poem of whatever part of it fit. It's yours.. I like epigrams better, anyway. thanks, reid |
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