»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #2
»
Faeries
| Critical Analysis #2 |
|
Faeries |
|
|
longte Member
since 2005-04-06
Posts 199Australia |
Faeries That special time -‘tween day and night The magic time --- they call twilight It’s in this wondrous time of day You’ll see the faeries at their play You’ll hear a whisper flitting by You’ll see the faeries lullaby And from the corner of your eye What is it - that you can spy? That gentle music in the trees The hidden murmur in the breeze The shimmer in the changing light Is just the faeries taking flight Then Pan the faerie king will ride His chariot into the sky And raise his pipe up to his lips Brush it with his finger tips And blaze the dying sun with hues Of gold and ochre - reds and blues And call upon his faerie friends “Now its time to make amends Since it is the end of day I call my brothers out to play So dance with me throughout the night Beneath the stars that shine so bright” Then suddenly -- from everywhere The faeries will at once appear Ethereal --- beyond compare Gowns of mist and spun night air Filled with natural airs and grace No jewels or rouge upon their faces Dancing - weaving - spinning round Their feet in air - not on the ground The faerie king will lead the fray Dancing - prancing every way Until the first grey light of day And then the music -- fades away And when you look there’s nothing there The faeries have all disappeared Yet know that if your heart is true All your life they’ll stay with you Cliched out???? Perhaps Enjoyable????? Any comments gratefully accepted Live It |
||
| © Copyright 2005 P.Nicholson - All Rights Reserved | |||
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
"You’ll see the faeries lullaby" LOL, I do believe I'd HEAR them if my ears were pointed in the right direction Now, to read the rest of the poem.  |
||
|
netsky Member
since 2005-03-29
Posts 148Miami |
cliched out? YES but so wonderfully done so beautifully flowing. You have such a fine ear. It -is- precious but that's no sin. People -love- musical poems. I sure do. Like Rainbows, this is a delight to the senses. not a challenge. Beautiful things need not challenge us. I for one do not have anything like your talent to make such a metered glory in a garden setting. woOt for you. Now write a bad poem so I may act grrrr mean and nasty! (you may blunt -any- of my stuff, always) and I will learn from you some things. thanks, reid PS: this delightful poem is deserving a long life in public view. It offers ear training and more. Imagination. You are of long experience and education- but have a pure and loving heart. I know you already this much. |
||
|
longte Member
since 2005-04-06
Posts 199Australia |
Its VERY different in here people are using words that I've never seen before just to discuss the style of a poem Maybe I'm some type of dinosaur in that to me the message is the most important part In here it seems Structure is more important Yours are Interesting to say the least Only read a few so far But wonderful how you play with the words Live It |
||
|
Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Cliched? Sure. I don't know how you could write about fairies without being cliched. Enjoyable? Again yes. You have done a good job here, IMHO of course. You described an interesting scene so that I could visualize it. Although your lines bounce between iambic and trochaic, it caused me little trouble. The only place I had a problem on the first reading was the last lines of the first stanza. "And from the corner of your eye What is it - that you can spy?" I naturally wanted to read the last as iambic and stumbled in doing so. Second time through, it fell right into place. You might consider that. Finally, some readers may see your rhyming as overbearing but I do not. I think it fits the style and content of the poem well. But then I am a fan of rhyming and metric poetry. Thanks for sharing |
||
|
longte Member
since 2005-04-06
Posts 199Australia |
iambic and trochaic Must learn what these mean This is the main reason I have come in here I know I can write Very evocative poetry But I also Know that I have No Fixed Form or style apart from rhyming This Feedback is excellent in that it lets me learn what I'm doing wrong [if it is wrong to write in a Freeform style] Thanks Peter |
||
|
MUSEconnieSEconnie Member
since 2006-02-28
Posts 74california |
I ENJOYED THIS VERY MUCH. MY GRAND DAUGHTER LOVED IT TOO. SHE IS A BRILLIANT 10 YEAR OLD AND KNOWS WHAT SHE LIKES. LIKE YOU,I AM HERE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT WHAT I ALREADY DO. I HOPE THIS JOURNEY HELPS US BOTH TO EXPLORE OTHER WAYS OF PRESENTING OUR THOUGHTS. I AM SLIGHTLY REBELLIOUS WHEN IT COMES TO CONSTRAINTS, BUT I AM WILLING TO LOOK AT IT AS MORE OF A 'CHALLENGE' THAN JUST REGULATED FORMS. GOOD LUCK TO US! I LOVE YOUR MAGIC  LOVE CONNIE I AM BLIND/I POST IN CAPS. FORGIVE IF THEY ARE UNCOMFORTABLE. A VOICE READER HELPS ME READ POSTS. MY SCR-NAME POSTED WRONG, IT IS MUSEconnieHUES |
||
|
Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Dang, I had forgotten about this one and read it through as though I had never seen it before. Quite enjoyable. Some may find it a little too light weight but there is room for all sorts. Thanks for bringing it back up Connie. It is an enjoyable read. BTW, after finding my above comment, I still see it pretty much the same. Interesting that my thought haven't changed much in a year. |
||
|
longte Member
since 2005-04-06
Posts 199Australia |
Thanks Early days for my writing Before I lost something?? There is a Joy in writing something like that I wonder if we lose it?? Do we forget that Visualisation, is so very important? Forget that the Message and the Ability of a poem to Draw the reader into it, can be much more important than Form .. . Live It |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
