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Critical Analysis #2
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Rainbow
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Rainbow |
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longte Member
since 2005-04-06
Posts 199Australia |
Rainbow Look inside a rainbow and tell me what you see Colours light and colours bright – is that what you see When I look inside a rainbow --- here is my answer true I see the rainbow’s colours --- but not the way you do When I see the violet ---- it’s like the faeries eyes The first time that we saw them—down by the riverside When I see the yellow it reminds of the gold Buried by the leprechauns --- in those days of old And when I see the pink I cannot take it in For I feel the smell and texture of my lovers skin And when I see the orange it reminds me of the night We fought it hard together --- the bush fire burning bright And what is it that I see when I see the blue? I see a love that’s broken --- that once I thought was true And when I see the red it reminds me of the rage In her voice and on her face --- the day she went away And when I see the green it reminds of the trees My friends and my companions --- in those times of grief So look into a storm at night --- and tell me what you see Grey of cloud and lightning bright --- is that really all you see Longte Live It |
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| © Copyright 2005 P.Nicholson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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netsky Member
since 2005-03-29
Posts 148Miami |
Here I started reading and was thinking: 'oh, a lot of cliche rhyme.. but.. you make not that.. you surmount cliche and even the cloy of icky sweet... you have great meter and wit in this poem. I like it. No criticism. And only the finish, which I -know you fully control- forces me to think 'what the heck?'. Ah, but such is your intention and if i stare at flashes, I think perhaps I'll see a 'bow. If not, I'll blame eyelashes. thanks! much enjoyed here! reid |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
I'll be back. |
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netsky Member
since 2005-03-29
Posts 148Miami |
anyway, welcome! I see you are new. Me too. But you are newer yet. Lash me in commentary I do like it blunt and sharp. Teaches me a thing or two more that way. thanks, reid. |
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longte Member
since 2005-04-06
Posts 199Australia |
thanks for reading it Any comments whatsoever gratefully appreciated Fairly mindblowing to read some of the stuff in here So many differerent Forms of poetry Also appears that some are Very regimented More emphasis on the Structure of the poem than the Message of the poem I think I'll find that hard to adapt to |
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Parker Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129ON |
Longte, I see that you have jumped right in, and critical analysis to boot. When my muse was bright I did not enter here. Afraid to face my flaws.  But be sure, they are most kind in this place of word and thoughts. There are so many places in here to share your poetry, but in here they are sure to share there opinion.  So welcome and I do hope you enjoy it here, many a good poet you are sure to meet. Parker (james) |
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netsky Member
since 2005-03-29
Posts 148Miami |
Yes to above! Not regimented. I hope you did not feel I critted -hard-.. it only looked as if I were taken aback. But as I read your poem I saw a perfect example of how a much-explored subject, "rainbows" can be treated afresh! And in a most instructive and delighting way. It's all good and this is not a regimented place, this "critical analysis" nor are we knowingly severe on poets who want constructive crit, yet who, naturally have limits to how tough that crit may be. Myself? I'm a -happy survivor- (outcast) from another board called PFFA for short. I learned what nasty, mean, hard crit can be about: sadistic glee at demeaning poets. They don't do that here. In fact, as a very new member myself, I already feel very well tolerated. And I'm not all that easy to see clearly at first sighting as -relatively sweet guy- but I am you too-- your poem proves your good heart thanks! |
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longte Member
since 2005-04-06
Posts 199Australia |
I've only been writing for a few months Rapidly trying to absorb ANY comments and reading lots to try and Bridge a Huge Educational gap Always been a Rabid reader so the words that form the poems are no problem But the words that describe the Form of the poem are totally beyond me at this stage Live It |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Very much enjoyed the read. Welcome...you will enjoy it here! |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Longte, Welcome to Passsions! I do hope you find your way around, and if you ever have any questions, just nudge a Moderator, and we will be glad to be of assistance. There are some regimented forums here, so if you've taken time to read some of the information under the Members Area, you will become familiar with who we are, what is offered, and even more! Enjoy, and write on! |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Ok, I'm finally back. When I first saw this one, I thought it an interesting first post in CA. After reading Faeries, I'm not so sure. It is far superior to this. It is just too cliched and does not have the redeeming qualities of Faeries. Oh, and welcome to the forum. |
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Parker Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129ON |
Longte, Just a note to your comment on regimented poetry. You'll find as you go that all type of forms are practiced and explored here. I started here with just one form and tried others for fun and found I loved certain forms. As poets we grow from everything we experiment with, and the constructive critisims we get. In this forum you need a thicker skin, thus the reason I don't post in here...lol But this critisim is truly an educational thing and makes you relook at your work. You don't have to accept everybodys criticism because in the end its just opinion. Anybody that thinks they are an expert is just fooling themselves, and should just be regimented to the limerick forum (if we had one) But again these opinions make us relook at our work for weaknesses and we find our own words for the rewrite, or not. That all depends if you feel the poem says what you want it to say. Lets face it most poems are created from our experiences in life, and thus may contain a little cliche feel to them, but they can still be interesting to read and experience. If your've only been writing for a few months you may move away from that form as you learn to find your words or you may just hone it to be uniquely yours, cliche or not. Don't be afraid to post in the other forums, the current OPEN forum gets the most posts I think and they don't critisize there, well not much anyway. So do explore and post where you feel you poem meets that forums flavour. Enjoy Parker |
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longte Member
since 2005-04-06
Posts 199Australia |
Hi Thankyou everyone for the Feedback Tested the Water with Rainbow I think the water is Just about Right Will enjoy playing here peter Live It |
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