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Critical Analysis #2
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Untitled 1
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Roberta Little Junior Member
since 2001-12-18
Posts 42beloit wi usa |
Untitled By: Me I don't know what to write. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I just feel hollow, empty, alone inside. It seems as if I really have no feelings. I don't know if I'm tired or down or up or turning round in circles. I am not thinking just writing. Not dreaming just living. Not hoping or wishing just doing. Doing things as a robot would -- not really thinking about it, just doing it. Going through the motions but not the emotions. Not realizing how time truely does fly as the world wizzes by arond me. Then it stops and lays at my feet -- as a good, faithful dog would to it's master. Then suddenly it springs up and I grow dizzy watching it. My head brginsto spin. My body begins to spin. It flies through the air like a crumpled paper bag someone just threw to try to make a basket. My body slowly falls to the ground. it lays therecrumpled, distorted, alone. GOD's greatist gift is LOVE |
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| © Copyright 2005 roberta little - All Rights Reserved | |||
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netsky Member
since 2005-03-29
Posts 148Miami |
Hi Roberta, you posted into "critical" so I feel OK to critique your poem a bit. OK? Brace yourself! (grin) -the poem sucked the energy right out of me. Now I feel weak, wan, listless and wonder.... ....what compels a poet to spread enui? Just to hear yourself... exhale used-up air? Now, mind you, I am not putting you down.. but only the -core reason- for this poem. It's almost anti-everything, this poem. see my point? it is a vampire of life force, this poem. untitled? Call it.. think of a clever title and you'll have a better poem. "I am bored and take you down for the count". Something like this? Grins, but only because you know see what I mean: a poem should alter or improve or muse or entertain. The only alteration I got from your poem was a flatline pulse, nearly.. said pointedly so that you know what I mean: make life, not impotence from your good words. thanks, reid |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Been smokin' some bad stuff? |
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