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Critical Analysis #2
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Roberta Little
Junior Member
since 2001-12-18
Posts 42
beloit wi usa

0 posted 2005-04-01 07:30 PM



Untitled
By: Me

I don't know what to say,
I'm not sure what to write,
yet I have soo much to get out.

I open my mouth to speak
but no sound will some out.

My pen is poised in my hand,
but won't connect with the paper.

No words can be written or spoken,
to express how I feel.

So I send up a little prayer
to the one who knows me best
and always understands,
even if I don't,
can't,
or won't.

GOD's greatist gift is LOVE

© Copyright 2005 roberta little - All Rights Reserved
netsky
Member
since 2005-03-29
Posts 148
Miami
1 posted 2005-04-01 07:48 PM


much nicer than #1.  Here there is a message. Not much of a message, but i get the message and approve of your clean, shorter form in this #2.

  It's a nice bit of spirituality- recognized by myself, who is not spiritual.  But I see this aspect of you,  and agree with your expression-form: you have a point to make that evne when there is nothing to say or think, -someone still understands you.  You got the import jotted out much better in this  poem.

thanks,
reid


Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
2 posted 2005-04-01 11:58 PM


I agree with Reid here. This one at least has some substance and direction. Not to say that it really grabs me though. #1 was really nothing more than a rant and not even a very coherent one at that. Rants, though sometimes valid, rarely stand up well to serious criticism.

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