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Critical Analysis #2
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matthew
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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matthew |
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sillywilly Junior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 33oklahoma |
So tonight I see you in the real light All beautiful and wrong I thought that what we had was right But boy, I was wrong. You said that you loved me looking in my eyes I said that I loved you back Not knowing that we both lied. Maybe you did love me, maybe I love you. But from the moment that we saw eachother We should have know that we were doomed. Remember that night, Matthew walking down the street in the dark to meet my heart's true blue desire we met andwe saw sparks Intelligence and wit were the key to you and me But you were to leave me too soon And I was to be lonely. You gave me a future, dreams to come true I had to believe them I needed to believe in you. But drams shatter and futures ignite And the real you eventuallly shone through. There you stood in the real light one night All beautiful and wrong...but true. |
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| © Copyright 2002 lacey - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
I liked the conclusion to this a lot. However, I think this needs more imagery. Precise adjectives coupled with bold metaphors will help this piece reach its full potential. Also typos, etc: "eachother" presumably needs a space "We should have KNOWN that we were doomed. "Remember that night, Matthew <,>" "andwe" "Intelligence and wit were the key to you and me" I would be standard "But drams Disclaimer: The preceding statement is just my opinion. [This message has been edited by Kirk T Walker (07-12-2002 06:52 PM).] |
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Star T Member
since 2002-07-12
Posts 182Philadelphia, US |
u know reading this made me scared that me and boyfriend could end up like this.it just sort of hit me somehow.cos we really do love each other and we say so,but there's somthing about this poem i just cant hold on to that touch me deep down.u did a good job. if its a really true story,hope ur over it cos it really sounds sad.but silly willy(what a name)life goes on.i liked ur poem.a lot. |
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The Napkin Writer Member
since 2002-06-28
Posts 70 |
I think the piece is typical of the way the heart actually speaks, of love. Most of the time it is confusing, because the heart can’t rationalize, it can only feel what it feels. I really like the piece, but “I” to, am in need of an editor whenever I write. Yet, do not ever stop writing from the heart, it is the true place, where poets are born! Originally Yours, |
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