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X Q poet
Junior Member

since 2003-03-25

Posts 47

0 posted 2004-10-27 08:43 AM

----------------------------------
Of all your glory days bereft
In widespread and commercial theft
With all your legacy deposed
A restless and dishonoured ghost
Is what remains behind this hell
Of merchandise and apparel
This icon of you, black on red
It scowls towards us from the dead

But prying off concealing shells
Reveals the nucleus that tells
Us of the virtues of a man
Who roused himself as great men can
For doubtless I can always find
The men of matter, men of mind
But show me those of greater worth
I want the heroes of this earth
-----------------------------------

Ok, as you can see... Iambic tetrameter, regular rhyme etc...

You can say what you want about the formal aspects of this poem, but I'd most like to hear interpretations...

http://www.xqpoetry.com <-- poetry, philosophy, journal and discussion

b.costen
Member

since 2003-11-02

Posts 107
ontario, CAN

1 posted 2004-10-27 05:35 PM

you don't want harsh critiques? okay then i can't really say much about this one except what has already not been said

Always Lisa
Member

since 2003-06-08

Posts 133

2 posted 2004-10-28 06:21 AM

>you don't want harsh critiques? okay then i can't really say much about this one except what has already not been said

That's not what his profile says. It says...I don't mind harsh critiques guys!

Regards,
Always Lisa

croyles
Member

since 2004-01-27

Posts 102

3 posted 2004-10-28 06:55 AM

Could do with some punctuation. Its a bit hard to undestand at the moment. (Sorry that I dont have enough time at the mo to dig in deep into your poem.)

X Q poet
Junior Member

since 2003-03-25

Posts 47

4 posted 2004-10-28 08:32 AM

You can be as harsh as you want... But it's possible to say something about other things than the formal isn't it?

I'd still like to hear what you can say... And do tell me where you would want punctuation too...

http://www.xqpoetry.com <-- poetry, philosophy, journal and discussion

X Q poet
Junior Member

since 2003-03-25

Posts 47

5 posted 2004-10-28 08:35 AM

Now... Don't get me wrong... By all means, if there are things about the formal structure of the poem that you'd like to comment on, do it!

I'd like to hear interpretations though, as they have been under represented in the replies I've had on this forum so far...

http://www.xqpoetry.com <-- poetry, philosophy, journal and discussion

X Q poet
Junior Member

since 2003-03-25

Posts 47

6 posted 2004-10-31 08:22 AM

Well?

http://www.xqpoetry.com <-- poetry, philosophy, journal and discussion

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

7 posted 2004-11-01 07:43 AM

Talking about Che?

Hmmm, maybe go into more specifics, that would be more interesting.

X Q poet
Junior Member

since 2003-03-25

Posts 47

8 posted 2004-11-05 06:37 AM

I would go into more specifics, but Che isn't what I'm really talking about... You are absolutely right that he is sort of the motive or picture I use, but it is not an elegy to Che so to speak... So I'm afraid that if I go into more specifics, it would be too clear that he's the one I'm talking about, and it would degrade the real theme of the poem I think... Or what do you think?

http://www.xqpoetry.com <-- poetry, philosophy, journal and discussion

Seth
Member

since 2003-04-13

Posts 74
Arizona

9 posted 2004-12-23 03:57 PM

about Zack of late, great band Rage.

Seth
Member

since 2003-04-13

Posts 74
Arizona

10 posted 2004-12-30 04:49 PM

What, not gonna let me know if I was right?

~seth

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