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Critical Analysis #2

Watering (first draft)

aaron woodside
Member

since 2001-09-26

Posts 256

0 posted 2004-09-13 04:25 PM

Hey all, just looking for a little help with this one.  Let me know what you think, what you like, dislike, and all that.   Thnx in advance.

Watering

I write these hollow words
sweet though they seem to be
to fill the pitcher full

Drop one in, two more to mind
lead me on with those eyes
more and more I spout
twisting, falling, dropping, dripping
streaming, crawling, begging, pleading
hollow words sound so full
splashing to the bottom of you

your eyes, your hair, everything of you
a thousand words empty as promised
watered down walls of sentiment
trap me, blind me, wash me
struggling against the waves
crashing, thundering, spilling over
into this crystal pitcher full of you

The pitcher so very full now, overflowing
I keep talking, writing, watering, drowning
till the glass cracks and shatters

And your gone.

Well let me know.  Thnx.

ex animo,
Aaron Woodside

They say the sweet is never as sweet without the sour.  So where's my sweet?

b.costen
Member

since 2003-11-02

Posts 107
ontario, CAN

1 posted 2004-09-18 05:56 PM

bleh... boring

so what's it going to be then, eh?

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