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something DIFFERENT
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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something DIFFERENT |
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buckysimone Junior Member
since 2003-10-19
Posts 27 |
Because I was Was a growing piece of society just a little A little higher than you Waking up in the midst of this small town A town that I grew up in where you are Ridiculed But It's okay okay to call a child FAG "Mommy what's a fag" Words spoke in shock to his mother His mother barred down down from rules Rules placed inside these childrens minds Minds programmed from birth this small town It's okay to call a child HOMO "Mommy what's a homo" Tears stream down this childs face and why why are children so cruel? Parents of the "PTA" Brothers of the children who are the problem "that's what children do" spoke through the words of guidance words of elders Because I was Hating myself Hating the lies Because I was Was all that society didn't accept In my mind this mind abused as a child BUT it's okay Okay to call a child GAY "mommy what's gay" waking up in the morning to this vicious cycle unable to comprehend to comprehend what gay was "was I gay" tears stream down my mothers face that face face that gave birth to me the me who was hating my self Because i was unsure living memories of my past past explorations of the gay world anti-social upbringings avoiding all all that was this small town but it's not okay okay to call a child worthless "mommy i'm worthless" the three words a mothers ears cannot comprehend now living as i had always lived in this small town because I was I was dreaming I was praying I'm something I'm not Speaking to god A god that wasn't there Never answering my prayers becuase I was I was lying to myself and I was lying to my past But I loved her Love complexities tangled through my life But I love him Because I was I was something no one had ever mentioned Before it all began Because I was Bi Sexually involved Involved with situations you may never understand Society needs to undersatnd Understand that I BLEED I Cry I work I smile I laugh I am me Because I was Sick and tired of people Don't tell me that i'm a fag that i am gay That i am a homo becuase I am me I am who I want to be "mommy am I gay" She walks without answers and she walks without prayers Because I may be gay because I may be what you say I am but I am better than you I AM BETTER than your lies better than your ridicule I am me. |
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| © Copyright 2004 buckysimone - All Rights Reserved | |||
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
The sentiment in this is really good... there are parts I liked, especially: 'Don't tell me that i'm a fag that i am gay That i am a homo becuase I am me' I think it had a really good flow to it. Also, the idea of 'growing piece of society' is really interesting, I think you should flesh that out a bit more. The thing is, instead of fleshing this out, your emotions got the better of you... that's okay, it seems like something you really needed to write, and I can totally sympathize with that. But for a reader, it gets a little overly long and rambling... I would suggest taking the key elements of this poem and focusing it more. Oh, and leave out: 'Involved with situations you may never understand' You don't know who you're talking to. Weird situations? Try me. Or are you just assuming that all of your audience is homophobic? You probably didn't mean to sound condescending, but you do here. Hope I've helped. |
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I Love Her New Member
since 2007-10-12
Posts 1 |
This is exactly how life as being gay,bi,or lesbian is...I love how you wrote this poem. ILH |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Bucky, I think you need to raise the age of your subject some. I have never seen a gay child. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
How old is the speaker of the poem? It's a good question. Still, I'm not sure that's the point of the poem (which, to be honest, isn't well crafted). Parents, teachers, and, of course, peers do make judgements like this all the time. To simply say they shouldn't isn't going to stop them. |
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