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Critical Analysis #2
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Blind
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Blind |
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edwreck02 Junior Member
since 2003-08-08
Posts 24Florida |
Blind Its like falling from an endless sky this reality we live, dejection why can not deny with souls swimming in and endless drowning pool its funny, we try and sit back and figure who’s the real fool every one seeks the lime light, everyone seeks recognition there souls they’d sell for a name in fame yet you know what shame this brings the feeling for something better you’ll see them all try you’ll see them all cry but in there desperate attempts there souls have all died So why do all wish for a righteous life material recognition enslaves the many A distorted fulfillment, captures there eyes Only the fallen, can we hear cry for the rest are still blinded the trap lies open, for those that come half dead inside, in the end they’re all left numb you’ll see them all try you’ll see them all cry but in there desperate attempts there souls have all died |
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| © Copyright 2004 Eduardo Sanders - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Either concentrate on the perils of shooting for recognition, or the difficulty in not, but attempting to have it both ways just comes off as self-righteous. More concrete detail. |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
Yeah, what Brad said. 'everyone seeks recognition' Well, first of all, that's arguable, but you state it as a fact and then use that 'fact' as the basis of your rant. Maybe if you explored the reasons people seek recognition (which isn't necessarily the same as fame) this would flesh out into something more substantial that you just complaining. Btw, try 'their' instead of 'there.' Hope I've helped. |
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Endlessecho Member
since 2003-09-05
Posts 398I live within myself |
You had some spelling and grammer errors: "this reality we live, dejection why can not deny" I think you're missing a word in here. This isn't flowing. "with souls swimming in and endless drowning pool" In this line "and" should be "an" And also there should be their.  |
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Kellie_Cantrell Senior Member
since 2002-05-22
Posts 1667New York |
I agree with the others. It is very good. I noticed a few grammar errors. Those have already been outlined for you. I liked the meaning that your poem conveys. Good Job Love, |
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edwreck02 Junior Member
since 2003-08-08
Posts 24Florida |
thanks for all of your help, I often dont check grammar Im horrible at that |
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