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Critical Analysis #2
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| Critical Analysis #2 |
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watchful |
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IndigoEve Member
since 2003-01-10
Posts 279Etched in the illusion of time 
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They see you shiver under the guise of painful facades averting eyes masterfully unless blue meets sinfully a rush of curve, and she is found, in hidden little ecstasies brooding from lust They see you blush, turn your head quickly, keep your gaze where others perceive it. Don't let it trail a line, a fiery smooth, supple, creamy eyeful ...society prohibits it. They see you hide your fantasies; she is the sun in center of your galaxy, gravity, an inertia, pulling you away. Careful! Mind how far your gaze travels up the darkness, past the hem of her skirt. They see you woman's delicate fingers, and all tracing perfect symmetry along sumptuous thighs, like milk cream and flowery perfume. They see you behind doors, beneath covers, inside each other's mouths. They see you but do not think it beautiful as female betroths female by a tenuous flick of tongue. If I were to touch you, would you bleed a velvet river, running miracles through the sodden ground? --Moi |
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Mysteria 
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
There isn't any way I could ever critque this, but I couldn't read it three times and not tell you just how incredibly gifted I think you are. You approached the subject with such ease, class, and conviction, and it looked perfect to me, but then all your poems do. |
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longte Member
since 2005-04-06
Posts 199Australia |
Very Nice Sensual Live It |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Steamy! Good job treating a rather touchy subject. Writing can be enjoyed even by those who do not relate to the subject matter. |
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Italy Angel Member
since 2003-09-01
Posts 65Northern Ca |
Hiya! This is a beautiful poem. Your word play and presentation are stunning. I love the opening lines and how well you are with imagery. I really only have two suggestions. I would alter the line breaks a bit for a better flow and perhaps put 'they see you' in italics and seperate from the strophes?  Just my two cents.  Brava. |
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