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Being
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Being |
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Grover Senior Member
since 2004-01-27
Posts 1967London, ON, Canada |
Being The womb is a global sky and though we exist in the exits of life our thoughts soar forever throughout all galaxies. ©2004 Grover Gall |
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| © Copyright 2004 Grover Gall - All Rights Reserved | |||
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
You were doing fine until the last three lines. I think they are cliche and boring. But for as much as I didn't like the last three lines, the first one hit me like a ton of bricks. 'The womb is a global sky' This is a really strong image, as well as a statement. Of what, I'm not quite sure... curious as to what you meant... I have a few ideas of my own tho... -the womb is universal... something we all come from, an unbrella we all fall under. -something about global sky strikes me as spiritual, invocative of heavan... perhaps implying a nod to matriarchal cultures, where the female body is seen as a temple- the woman is to be respected (even worshipped?) for her role as mother... -the earth itself is like a womb, holding and nurturing us until we are released to a higher, more heavenly plane? (The bit about existing in the eits of life seems to support this, too... I'd be really interested to see where you were coming from, and what you meant with this. Hope I've helped. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Hush's first words were my exact thought...great until the last three lines... 'The womb is a global sky and though we exist in the exits of life' Very very strong. I really like this, Grover. However, this: 'our thoughts soar forever throughout all galaxies.' Well. Now you've just lost the plot for me lol. One - I can't connect this image to the first. I don't see why the womb as a global sky automatically links to our thoughts soaring in all galaxies. (Sorry - had this really funny image. 'Report, report to Star Commander One. Have received incoming thought from Sector 12 in galaxy 58Z4.56. Thought is deemed non-threatening and may continue to soar.)  Two - Well, it's just that really - it seems like a ludicrous image and that grossly undermines that initial strong, yet subtle image. I would like to ask for an explanation of how those two images link for you, but I'd rather find the answer in the poem. I don't think I can do that, however... Therefore, I'd suggest reconsidering that last part - or presenting it in a clearer way. However, I think you need to do justice to that wonderful image of the womb as a global sky and how we live in the exits of life (damn, I wish I'd written that!)  K |
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Grover Senior Member
since 2004-01-27
Posts 1967London, ON, Canada |
Here's where I was going in this poem. The first line explains that even though we are born to/from the flesh there was eternity before us. The next three lines affirm that we are confined to this life but that we are at the same time ready to exit at the preordained moment. The remainder states that even though we are/will be dead in the flesh our spirit lives forever. As well, as the title suggests, we are in a constant state of "being," from conception/birth. It is a very simplistic poem with no real "deep" significance. So, of course, some may find it boring and cliche... but such is life! Grover. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Hey Grover...well that seems fairly deep to me - perhaps said simplistically, if you know what I mean. Anyway, thanks for the enlightenment. K |
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