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MexicoCityBlues
Junior Member

since 2004-01-04

Posts 48
The Point of Know Return

0 posted 2004-01-25 02:48 PM

(This isn't my best, nor should it probably in this forum, but I'm curious to see how it goes.)

“I wanna be the blood
that runs in your veins.”
         god
for tomorrow
I’d sacrifice today

               hunny,
                   focus on the breath
     breathe
                 breathe
                             breathe
                                         breathe
      the breathing is redemption
                      lucid minds,
                         I’m trying…

Where is
    the
American Night?

lost in a fog
  so deep

she’s here
she’s here
but she’s there
come here
(fog horn)

tranquil minds
locked together
      turmoil is the key
      to unlock true love

seems like years, old friend

dreams

we walked steadily.
sun ablaze
but ice burns these
roads today
dead trees
seems about right
mind is at game
“can’t find me today!”
hands aclasped
we drink a coffee
dead to the outside
dead on the inside
she’s here
she’s within my grasp
but she’s miles away
for once

images appear slanted
out of proportion
walls are caving in…

no one speaks

(what’d a pencil ever do for me
I don’t want to be erased…)

MOTHER OF GOD
PLEASE
HELP ME

the breathing is redemption
            I’m trying

Eternity is too long.

"The story of life is quicker than the wink of an eye. The story of love is Hello and Goodbye. Until we meet again..." -Jimi Hendrix

warmhrttoo
New Member

since 2004-01-25

Posts 5

1 posted 2004-01-25 03:49 PM

I'm not quite sure why, but this really got to me...quite powerful, brought tears to my eyes. I thought it was greatly expressive...

Kris

Grover
Senior Member

since 2004-01-27

Posts 1967
London, ON, Canada

2 posted 2004-01-29 09:50 PM

Generally, you're onto something good but you need some revisions. I'd ditch, " wanna be the blood that runs in your veins.” It throws off the whole flow in my opinion. Grover.

MGROVES

Member Elite

since 2004-02-01

Posts 3802
california

3 posted 2004-02-02 01:03 AM

I REALLY LOVED YOUR POEM. HOW TRUE IT IS ABOUT LOVE, LUST IS JUST WANTING, NEEDING, LOVE IS A FEELING, TAKES A LOT OF PAIN, TO EVER FEEL REAL LOVE THANK YOU FOR YOUR WORDS OF WISDOM

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