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Critical Analysis #2
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The Color of Fury
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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The Color of Fury |
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River Senior Member
since 2003-09-16
Posts 627my own little world |
slip through convey this mortal contrast echoes echoes echoes through my mind wandering thoughts reveal a single flaw denoted confused, defused a bomb of rage of self destruction wonder what i'll do next wonder what the fury will bring "hello. my name is Rage. i've come to visit you today, and yeess, i will enjoy my stay" freaked out to calm paranoid reading psalms worried that my next brain overload will take my life why why why through my mind try try try to make it all make sense want to send it packing to the trash mail a package to hell make it crash suffer through the fun return and leave again i think i'm ready to stop stop the ride stop it now it's gone to far and don't tell me it's too late --just wanted to throw this in your guys's direction & see what you all have to say, it's kindove a rewrite of something i posted a while back. rest upon existence. seek life, |
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| © Copyright 2004 Bonnie Sue Bixler - All Rights Reserved | |||
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wintertao Member
since 2003-11-17
Posts 366Okaloosa Island, FL |
it has alot of promise - I thought S2 weak and should be cut - |
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River Senior Member
since 2003-09-16
Posts 627my own little world |
your right it is kinda weak...but i forgot to mention i took out the cuss words in this, so that may be why...don't know if that makes much of a difference or not, and i don't think it should be cut all together because then there would be a hole in the meaning i think. rest upon existence. seek life, and forever never die. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Question - what makes you think that cuss words would make a weak verse stronger?  K |
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