»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #2
»
low
| Critical Analysis #2 |
|
low |
|
|
Seth Member
since 2003-04-13
Posts 74Arizona 
|
low my devient fixation that makes uncomfortable the smiles from your mothers lip your hips the way you sway and churn the time we made open windows at night close the door so the light won't show our nakedness lest beast and father see our well kempt leather seats that smell unvale inhale your sticky sweet laid ~Seth |
||
| © Copyright 2004 Joshua Douglas Hurst - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
wintertao Member
since 2003-11-17
Posts 366Okaloosa Island, FL |
S1 S2 S3 were tight - creative, well done. I like this alot. the rest for me added nothing and should be cut. |
||
|
Grover Senior Member
since 2004-01-27
Posts 1967London, ON, Canada |
Good imagery, but I think you may be hurrying too fast through revisions. As said, S1 S2 S3 are tight. Spend a little time with the rest. I think you'll end up with something great. (also check spelling on devient and unvale.) |
||
|
Seth Member
since 2003-04-13
Posts 74Arizona |
wow, thanks guys. its been forever i know but i'm working again... got to have a place to start eh, where i left off... |
||
|
Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
We are talking about cars, right? |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
