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Critical Analysis #2

Withdraw

desperado16
New Member

since 2003-12-27

Posts 7

0 posted 2004-01-19 05:31 PM

Quiet envelopes,
Whistling winds
Heard,
I linger,
Steadily evaporating
From your
Thoughts.

You roam,
Free of
Love and tribulation,
While I remain
Bound.

Love,
Turned
Great,
Forbids sanity,
Must escape,
Until sentiments
Wither.

Wordless sounds
Spew from
Trembling lips,
Cheeks glisten
From restrained droplets,
Surging from
Empty holes,
Heart seeps,
Body bleeds,
I perceive,
The intricacy
Of impending tasks.

I fear,
When I barricade
Myself,
Misery will
Brew,
Friendship will
Perish,
I’ll diminish,
Regretting,
Not able
Hold you,
At all.

Silence breaks,
Static actualizes,
Goodbye unmasks
Itself,
Half rejoices,
Half grieves,
Because either way,
I forfeit
You.

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

1 posted 2004-01-20 01:36 AM

oh please lose the centering. Please please.

And perhaps a bit of imagery and less of the emotional metaphor...

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