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Critical Analysis #2
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Losing Myself in Pockets
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Losing Myself in Pockets |
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rainydaymusic Junior Member
since 2004-01-14
Posts 26 |
I was looking around for an interesting forum, and I think I have found one. I am sitting here cracking up over some of these responses. I love it: honest critique. I will have a few words of my own on some of these poems, although some of them are truly impressive. This is my first post, and I kind of just wanted to start off saying hi. But I figured I might post a poem as well - please, be harsh - I welcome it. LOSING MYSELF IN POCKETS Carry around three photographs, all three, a girl that is not me. In my pockets, scraps of paper, Like confetti. When I get a minute or two, I might write a line or two, one of them is about you. All of them are about you. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Welcome etc... You're not saying enough, and your punctuation is inaccurate and therefore distracting. It still has a certain feel to it though. I just think you need to tighten it up, and add a little more.  K |
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a123 Member
since 2004-03-27
Posts 72 |
interesting. i find the last stanza a little confusing but i love your style |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I suppose you, just thinking mind you, aren't quint ready for me yet, not yet anyway. Um, Quint frantly, I'm a l little confused by your stupiditity. Brad |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
Show good manners or: there's the door |
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gourdmad Member
since 2003-12-01
Posts 136Upper Ohio Valley |
A very concise glimpse of infatuation, most likely ynrequited, complete even with the transperant attempt at denial of the last stanza, and then the confession of its hold. IMHO. |
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cynicsRus Senior Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 591So Cal So Cool! |
Notwithstanding the distracting punctuation, you wove an interesting picture that might fare better without punctuation altogether. This has promise and as suggested could probably stand to be developed with a little more descriptive fine tuning. Sid @ www.cynicsRus.com |
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aujussy wolf
since 2003-08-09
Posts 1215Michigan |
great first write keep that rhythm ....... |
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