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Critical Analysis #2

Good vs Evil

rabab
New Member

since 2003-12-23

Posts 8
Ontario, Canada

0 posted 2004-01-12 05:31 PM

The stage is set
for the righteous fight.
Gathered with my just friends
against the hordes of evil men.

All of us good friends,
shoulder to shoulder to fight our foe.
Eyes filled with hate of those,
who stand for the evil cause.

Pledged ourselves to our cause
which is good that I know.
Fists clenched on our swords,
for the hatred of the men
who stands against us good men.

Together with all my friends
lined against the evil men.
Anger in our faces all you could see,
for those savages who are vile.

Waiting for our trumpet to sound,
so all us brothers could march upfront.
Leaving behind the smell of death,
Of the savages that are dead.
Their huts ablaze by our torch,
their Women bound for our joy.
Waiting for our sign to strike
For our brothers to set the world right.

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

1 posted 2004-01-13 12:42 PM

hmmmm...

women bound for our joy while we set the world to rights..

great...

vikings? Characters out of a fantasy novel? Other maurading hordes?

The thing I've noticed lately within fantasy novels actually - read Guy Gavriel Kay, Stephen Erikson, George R R Martin for examples - is the tendency to show both sides of the story and wipe out the cliched, inaccurate and improbable 'good vs evil' stance.

Now, I know this is a poem, and not a novel. I just think there might be a lesson to be learned somewhere in that.

jbouder
Member Elite

since 1999-09-18

Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash

2 posted 2004-01-13 09:36 AM

The first four stanzas, in large part, are restatements of one another. The final stanza aludes vaguely to the identity of the "good" and "evil" men, but I think you need to flesh out the details to make the subject matter more comprehensible. As it is written, I can only guess whether your depiction of the "good" friends is serious or sarcastic.

My advice would be to give us more meat to chew on and trim down the repetition.

Jim

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