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Slick50199
New Member

since 2004-01-04

Posts 3
Indiana

0 posted 2004-01-04 12:46 PM

Gone

Nothing matters anymore
When I'm sitting at home
Hoping to die
As I look up at the sky
The world ends
Leaving me left intact
With no one to be with

Everything's gone
I've screwed up this life too much
I can't get my good days back

Trying to set things straight
But it only makes things worse
Life's screwed over
Can't do anything about it anymore

Everything's gone
once i've screwed life over
I can't get it back
No one's left to go to

Michelle_loves_Mike

Senior Member

since 2003-12-20

Posts 1189
Pennsylvania

1 posted 2004-01-04 08:47 AM

"it's never too late" are words we don't want to hear when we are trying to rebuild,,,recapture,,,and move on,,,,I will say,,,,don't give up,,,,
well written
welcome to pashions
Michelle

I wish all could find the true happiness I have found,,in the eyes of Mike

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

2 posted 2004-01-04 11:43 AM

Hello Slick and welcome to CA.

Michelle is right (in spite of all those commas

We all "screw up" sometimes. I'm no philosopher and certainly not a psychologist but stil, despair is not the answer.

Hope you enjoy the forum.

Pete

Never express yourself more clearly than you can think - Niels Bohr

wintertao
Member

since 2003-11-17

Posts 366
Okaloosa Island, FL

3 posted 2004-01-04 09:48 PM

I no doubt feel the emotional powerhouse behind this and as such can only say I wish you could also contrast this with an ending that opens the door to a totally different direction, a change of pace if you will, would make this more interesting. Find something to have some hope in and explore that in a creative way to end the poem. Just my 2 cents.

[This message has been edited by wintertao (01-04-2004 09:48 PM).]

TwistedKnickers
Junior Member

since 2004-01-02

Posts 35
Saskatchewan, Canada

4 posted 2004-01-05 06:49 AM

Welcome Slick...
I'm going to be a bit fluffier here because I'm not too sure that the writer needs a critique at this point. Hopelessness is something we all can relate to, in different ways. It's times like these we end up treasuring in our hearts later in life (believe it or not) because we've grown and learned from them. When we "screw things up" and burn our bridges, sometimes it's only our pride that keeps us from rebuilding. A little humility makes for great construction material. You've got somewhere to go..HERE! Your pen can be your best friend when you're feeling this way. I know I always feel better after I write my feelings down. I hope that things go better for you and even if you don't have a poem to write, you can always write your feelings in the feelings forum. I hope to read you again. Write on, my friend!

Cat

Hang in There.

Poetry is the sculpting of words. We ALL start with a lump of clay.

gourdmad
Member

since 2003-12-01

Posts 136
Upper Ohio Valley

5 posted 2004-01-05 11:32 AM

Dear Slick - Go walk a mile a day, take omega 3s (freshly ground flaxseed a nice source) for two weeks, then write another poem.

Slick50199
New Member

since 2004-01-04

Posts 3
Indiana

6 posted 2004-01-08 06:41 PM

Dear Gourdmad- Why don't you walk off a bridge man. I don't need you rippin' on me.

Without Music, Life Would Be A Mistake.

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