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A home without a wall, |
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| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Wandered |
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Craw Member
since 2003-09-11
Posts 73Scotland |
He is visiting his old mother. The light is fading, leaves crunch under his boots. When he arrives, she is standing by the window, tapping one small foot. "Where have you been this last twenty years?" she asks, anger in her dark and skittish eyes. It is an old scenario. The truth will only breed confusion, worse, a dreadful sadness. "I have been in orbit", he replies, "it is the longest manned flight in space by any Scotsman". She squeezes his arm, her face soft as a girl's. "I am proud of you Willie" she says, "I never doubted you would return", and they sit and watch as the stars come out over Gorgie. |
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| © Copyright 2003 Craw - All Rights Reserved | |||
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mysticpoe Senior Member
since 2003-02-28
Posts 883 |
I like this very much. The write has a very nice story to tell, allowing for some nice well placed imagery. "I have been in orbit", he replies, "it is the longest manned flight in space by any Scotsman". This has a very nice metaphoric display of commentary ( to the response ). The only line I question, would have to be-- "leaves crunch under his boots" I'm sure that I'm missing the over-all intent, besides the fact that it is just soil beneath the soles. But the more I think of this line. I want to say that the "crunch" word being used has significance with the passing of time? Nice write, enjoyed. wayne If nothing is something |
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wintertao Member
since 2003-11-17
Posts 366Okaloosa Island, FL |
I really like this alot its very creative...here a suggestion you might not like...I think the poem would be even better without the entire middle stanza, I dont think its needed, and really adds nothing. I like the mystery of ending without this. You could also look at different ideas for the title like Scotsman in Space. Anyway just my 2 cents, Its great just the way it is. [This message has been edited by wintertao (12-26-2003 02:02 PM).] |
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gourdmad Member
since 2003-12-01
Posts 136Upper Ohio Valley |
Crunching leaves means it is autumn - the freshly fallen leaves are dry and DO crunch under boot, whereas later they become sodden and rot. Literal autumn and given that he was gone 20 years, the autumn of someone's life. As for the second stanza, that seems the heart of the poem; I would drop the 1st and 3rd before I dropped the 2nd, but no dropping necessary, IMHO. |
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cynicsRus Senior Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 591So Cal So Cool! |
In my opinion, it would be impossible to drop anything in this poem and still maintain the cohesiveness it now possesses. The second stanza helps tie the first and last together by implying that bond between mother and son that is all but invisible to a stranger. It alludes to a common sense of humor that each understand of the other. At least this is how I read it. No matter the true interpretation, I enjoy anytime such simple lines can be woven into a more complex fabric. Even though, S1-L5 should more properly read “…these last twenty years”, I’m inclined to believe it was purposeful, to help convey a simpler tone. That being the case, I wouldn’t dare suggest a change. Sid @ www.cynicsRus.com |
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Yejun Junior Member
since 2007-11-21
Posts 49 |
S. 1, last line can be compressed, but certainly worth a bump or a new launching pad. |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Thanks for bumping this one. I wasn't here in 03 and I would have missed this one. It is the kind of story telling poem I like. I love hooks. |
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