»
Archives
»
The Corner Pub
»
The Shadows of Your Mind
| The Corner Pub |
|
The Shadows of Your Mind |
|
|
sKiTtLeS Member
since 2000-04-12
Posts 113wisconsin, u.s.a. |
The deep dark shadows of your mind, teasing me. Taunting me. Confusing my emotions. Wondering what you're thinking, whether or not you believe the words coming out of your mouth. Wanting to trust you. Wanting you to heal my broken heart. But further my heart crumbles. Further it tears. Bleeding with the innocence of my existence. Torn apart by tainted trust... "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." -the words of a friend |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Brighton Zynda - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
Woaw!! Strong words.. This is a powerful piece.. well written.. Only one thing.. (sorry.. hehe can't help myself ^_^) umm.. u might like to shorten the 4th line, I believe this poem would have more impact, the briefer you keep it.. like with the other lines.. perhaps.. rearrange the others slightly? something like.. The deep dark shadows of your mind, Teasing, taunting me, Confusing my emotions. Wondering what you're thinking, ("whether or not you believe the words coming out of your mouth.")??? Wanting to trust you. Wanting you to heal my broken heart. But further my heart crumbles, Further it tears, Bleeding with the innocence Of my existence; Torn apart by tainted trust... Well, sorry for 'mangling' your poem like this.. but, u don't have to take any notice of it.. hehe.. ^_^ It is good, anyway..  Lynne |
||
|
Jon Mewett Senior Member
since 2000-03-04
Posts 1304 |
This has good impact and well written. Jon |
||
|
Lost Dreamer Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464Somewhere near the Rainbow |
Wow, I liked this, you expressed your emotions with style here, great job. |
||
|
Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
sKiTtLeS, this is a powerful poem....very well written. |
||
|
ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
Beautifully expressed emotion here, Skittles. This is a very good poem indeed....very well written with a good impact. Love and hugs, Lizzie "Poetry is the true expression of my soul, it is my ultimate means of communication. It is my rainbow of delight." |
||
|
PrincessPoet Member
since 2000-04-15
Posts 133Long Beach, Calif. |
Strong Emotion, is right Good...  Your failures in life come from not realizing your nearness to success when you give up. -Yoruba Proverb Poetry & Friendship, PrincessPoet |
||
|
sKiTtLeS Member
since 2000-04-12
Posts 113wisconsin, u.s.a. |
Thank you all. We live and learn, huh? Thanks again. sKiTtLeS~ "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." -the words of a friend |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
