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Chico
Member

since 2000-02-10

Posts 67

0 posted 2000-04-12 10:36 PM

Rowing, rowing.
  Endlessly,
nowhere to go.
  Stuck here
in this sinking
   boat, in the
middle of an
  endless ocean
so blue so wide
   so deep, this
ocean they call
   life......
Sinking, sinking.
  Crying, fighting.
To stay above
  The rising water
calling, yelling.
  Boats of every
shape and size.
  Keep passing by
I cry I yell, they
  don't stop. I fall
to the bottom of
  the boat, my tears
mix with the rising
  water, my body
aches from the
  endless rowing
my eyes hurt from
  searching the vast
ocean trying to
  find somewhere
to land my
  sinking boat.
but there is
  nowhere, and
no one will stop
  the boat goes
down. i try to stay
  above the endless
waves, but it is useless
  they wash over me,
again and again.
  it is so hard to get
a breath, and for one
  final time I go under
I give up trying to
  stay above the
water.. crying
  drowning, dying
I sink under the
  relentless waves.
then out of
  nowhere, I feel a
hand grab mine.
  it feels so gentle
so smooth, it pulls
  me out, I catch
my breath, I look
   into her eyes.
so beautiful, so
  lovely, she  Smiles
And I smile back.
  I am entranced by
her beauty, I give
  my life into her
hands, then she lets me go
for no reason she
  lets me go.
I slide back into
  the water, crying,
sinking, sobbing, fighting
  to see her, then there
she is.  Smiling, laughing.
  She looks at me, a wave
washes over me, and I
   don't fight it.  I let
it wash my tears away.
  I don't want to come
back to the surface,
  to see that beautiful
face, laughing.  So I go
  limp, and the water
pushes me this way.
  Then throws me
that way, no longer
  fighting, but still
crying I sink down
   into the vast blue sea.....

For those of you who have read any of my poems, you know this is not my style, but I thought this portrayed better than I think A "Rhyme" could, so forgive me this once, And I might turn this into a "Rhyme" after all...

                              -Chico

Lost Dreamer
Member Elite

since 1999-06-20

Posts 2464
Somewhere near the Rainbow

1 posted 2000-04-12 10:47 PM

Chico, I think you did a fabulous job on this poem, you had me on the journey with you, excellent job. Changing styles now and then makes for a great diversion even to ourselves.

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

2 posted 2000-04-13 12:17 PM

Very good! I am a rhymer but like to vary my style once in awhile...

Broken_Winged_Angel
Senior Member

since 2000-04-06

Posts 994
Small Town, Somewhere

3 posted 2000-04-13 05:03 AM

I think you did great without the rhymes..

MAY THE ROAD RISE TO MEET YOU,
MAY THE WIND BE ALWAYS AT YOUR BACK
MAY THE SUN SHINE UPON YOUR FACE
THE RAINS FALL SOFT UPON YOUR FIELDS
AND, UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN,
MAY GOD HOLD YOU IN THE PALM OF HIS HAND

Irish Blessing

ESP
Member Elite

since 2000-01-25

Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....

4 posted 2000-04-13 09:27 AM

This is excellent....I can only do things in rhyme, your free verse is excellent!

Love and hugs,
Lizzie

"Poetry is the true expression of my soul, it is my ultimate means of communication. It is my rainbow of delight."

Denise

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-08-22

Posts 22648

5 posted 2000-04-13 09:55 AM

This is excellent, Chico! Very well done!

Denise

Munda
Member Elite

since 1999-10-08

Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands

6 posted 2000-04-16 06:08 AM

This is a great free verse Chico !

Pepper
Member Elite

since 1999-08-19

Posts 3079
Southern Florida

7 posted 2000-04-16 08:43 AM

I feel the despair and hopelessness in this piece .... Excellent writing here, Chico ....

"This is where you will win the battle .... in the playhouse of your mind."
Maxwell Maltz

Chico
Member

since 2000-02-10

Posts 67

8 posted 2000-04-16 02:51 PM

Hey all, thanks for replying, really appreciate it. Like I told you, I was not to sure how my free verse sounded, and I tought the only way I could write a poem was by rhyming it, But Since you all liked it, I might try writing some more like this.. well thanks again. Have a great day. And don't forget to smile !!!

-Chico

Yu Lan
Senior Member

since 2000-04-13

Posts 1462
New Zealand

9 posted 2000-04-16 09:23 PM

this is a sorrowful poem, Chico.. expresses a very real feeling, very well.. a good comparison.. life to the sea.. ^_^

Lynne

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