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Soft Memories (First Tanka attempt)
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Soft Memories (First Tanka attempt) |
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Lost Dreamer Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464Somewhere near the Rainbow 
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Soft Memories 5-7-5-7-7 Seducing smile flowing characteristics patience beyond thought reduced to playdough's vision creating soft memories |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
I knew you could do it! This is beautiful! Denise |
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Dennis L. White Senior Member
since 2000-02-17
Posts 1463Michigan, U.S.A. |
Lost D, This was delightful but I think you're missing a syllable on your first line. (correct me if I'm wrong) Dennis :^) |
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Gene Senior Member
since 2000-01-23
Posts 935Colorado, USA |
Gloria, Well, this looks like a fine tanka to me.  Dennis, Depending on your accent or dialect "smile" can seem like one or two syllables. Example: smyl or smyal ~Gene |
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Dennis L. White Senior Member
since 2000-02-17
Posts 1463Michigan, U.S.A. |
OOPS! I humbly stand corrected! Great Tanka Gloria ! (Thanks Gene!) Dennis :^( |
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Sasikat Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 290St. Petersburg, FL |
Well done L.D. Very beautiful. Sheila ...the earth and myself are of one mind. The measure of the land and the measure of our bodies are the same........... Joseph, Nez Perce Chief |
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John the cat Member
since 2000-03-23
Posts 357England |
Well, I thought a Tanka was a ship that carried oil Lovely words whatever... May your roof never fall in and those beneath it never fall out. Irish proverb. |
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Lost Dreamer Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464Somewhere near the Rainbow |
Denise: Thank you very much Dennis: Even though Gene said it was O.K. I do see where your coming from. Thank you for your kind words. Gene: Thank You for your compliment and for answering Dennis. Sheila: Thank you John: Thank you, I never knew one myself till I read gene's awesome one and it inspired me. |
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ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
This is a great tanka...lol....now I know what a tanka is!!! Anyhow, I love it!! I think I'll go try one too! Love and hugs, Lizzie |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Gloria this is great. I knew three's more in you than even you know LOL |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
i like this but unfortunately i don't get the gist of the 3rd and 4th lines...will u mind educating me a little? ")a suggestion,perhaps u will like to change ur title...After all,"soft memories" is within ur tanka and usually,haiku/tanka writers don't do that cos the title serves an extra line of the poem....and why waste it using words that the reader will come across in the poem itself? just a point u might want to take note...i am a budding haiku/tanka writer myself and i am still learning ")[This message has been edited by kaile (edited 04-08-2000).] |
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INclan Senior Member
since 1999-07-20
Posts 1024Indiana, USA |
Lost Dreamer, you have obvously succeeded in creating your first Tanka. Well done. I liked the "Playdough." I look forward to reading more Tanka from you. INclan |
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Pepper Member Elite
since 1999-08-19
Posts 3079Southern Florida |
Lovely, Gloria ..... |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
very cool |
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