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Wobbly Head Bob
Member

since 2000-05-15

Posts 299
Virginia, USA

0 posted 2001-03-13 03:46 PM

I wanna hide, so deep inside
hybernate, stop the tape, die
and try to recreate,
Tossed, blown and lost in
this forest of forever
frost, walk on softly
some say, but its costly
to waste away this day
Call to me like a soul
set free, let me see
Whats come and yet to be
Naked my feelings set forth
from my source, and dealings
of such are cause for remorse
Further deny that I can't fly
and realize grounded
It sounded like a birds' cry
Sung and rebounded
On words towards the sky
Tears cleanse as they fall
Back to Earth
Good friends and new trends
All come to ends
Whats it worth
A personal never never land
Is never as grand as planned
On my feet never understand
All the deceipt, back up delete
A man as yet incomplete

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

1 posted 2001-03-13 05:36 PM

OH I just loved this one. As the poem progressed I sank deeper into the joy of reading it. Well done!!
The ending rocks.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Wobbly Head Bob
Member

since 2000-05-15

Posts 299
Virginia, USA

2 posted 2001-03-15 10:50 AM

Thanks Dopey for reading and responding yet again!

I wanna keep working this style and perfect it some.

Moon Dust

Member Elite

since 1999-06-11

Posts 2177
Skelmersdale, UK

3 posted 2001-03-16 08:46 PM

didnt quite understand it, but loved the flow.

Don't ever give in, if you do you've lost everything you've ever had and everything you hope to gain, but if you carry on your already winning.

pegasus111
Member Elite

since 2000-07-27

Posts 2219
ocala, fl, usa

4 posted 2001-03-22 02:46 PM

very well done. I liked the flow of this one. the words were well chosen.

the woods are lovely, dark, and deep, but I have promises to keep, and many miles to go before I sleep...Frost

kcsgrandma
Senior Member

since 2000-09-24

Posts 1522
Presque Isle, ME

5 posted 2001-03-23 12:18 PM

I feel a lot of pain in this, and I think your style helped to bring it out. I went back to re-read and noticed that, while the last part of the poem has a lot of rhyme at the end of lines, the first part has more internal rhymes. I think maybe that reinforces the sense of incompleteness in the beginning and shows progress toward completion at the end, but maybe I'm all wet.

Anyway, guess I forgot to mention I enjoyed it.

To love another person is to see the face of God.
- Les Miserables

Marilyn

Wikket
Member

since 2000-01-29

Posts 340
Santa Clara, CA USA

6 posted 2001-03-23 06:02 PM

I agree with Marilyn on this one...you describe your pain and wonder well! Bravo! It's a keeper!

~~Jamie

I mean the opposite of what I say. You've got it now? No, it's the other way. ~Bruce Bennett

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