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Romy
Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170
Plantation, Florida

0 posted 2001-01-16 06:44 PM


When you walked in
on the night of the festival,
the elders  were holding council in the hallway,
solemn and vigilant in their duties,
as they whispered in their native tongue.

With every unexpected white flash,
they collected the souls
of each self-conscious couple,
before granting their  passage
through the gymnasium door.
  
Inside, a  tribe of pimply-faced boys,
sprouting from worn out church jackets,
were rooted in their heavy boots,
near a line of girls in pink and red chiffon,
pasted like paper valentines along the wall.

Though we'd never met,
your blue eyes claimed me,
and your brilliant smile,
like an offering to the gods,
was the one I’ve always dreamed of.

Static hidden in the folds of my dress,
shot a cascade of black pearls
out onto the dance floor,
and I nested in your soft hair
and imagined they were kisses.

We buckled and swayed
to an ancient waltz, breathless,
two hearts beating
like ritual drums,
keeping time with grim determination.

Our youth condemned us
as strangers, to this primitive custom,
but the pulse of the music
became our mantra, and instinctively,
we understood every word.

Laughing  foolishly with each misstep
we clung tightly to one another,  
and allowed our  youthful spirit
to dance on, in perfect rhythm
to an age-old ballad that only we could hear.
  

.




[This message has been edited by Debbie (edited 01-16-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Deborah L. Carter - All Rights Reserved
Gene
Senior Member
since 2000-01-23
Posts 935
Colorado, USA
1 posted 2001-01-16 07:00 PM


Debbie,

This is absolutely beautiful!  

~Gene

Romy
Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170
Plantation, Florida
2 posted 2001-01-16 08:22 PM


Thanks Gene,
I know it's a little abstract, but I wanted it to be something to chew on for awhile.  I hoped that the theme on the surface(awkward teens, chaperones, picture-taking) would only be the first layer and that uncovering the second would be somewhat of a challenge!
Thanks for your reply,
Debbie

pegasus111
Member Elite
since 2000-07-27
Posts 2219
ocala, fl, usa
3 posted 2001-01-16 08:52 PM


what do you say about such a vibrant work about teen age relationships?...BRAVO!! that's what!  

the woods are lovely, dark, and deep, but I have promises to keep, and many miles to go before I sleep...Frost


bestgirl911
Senior Member
since 2000-10-04
Posts 551
Clio, MI , United We Stand
4 posted 2001-01-17 02:02 PM


Debbie...
I loved this...

Laughing foolishly with each misstep
we clung tightly to one another
and allowed our youthful spirit
to dance on, in perfect rhythm
to an age-old ballad that only we could hear.

young at heart, that's what matters.

Best

Gene
Senior Member
since 2000-01-23
Posts 935
Colorado, USA
5 posted 2001-01-18 01:01 PM


Debbie,

What's abstract? I think it's obvious (to me anyway) that this is about getting back to your roots, but feeling like an outsider, like an awkward teen at his/her first dance, but the rhythmns of the music brought you back in touch with hidden memories. The blue-eyed boy who walked in was the outside world uniting with yours. Well, maybe I'm reading too much into it, but that's how I see it. Actually I see a great deal more...much more than the second level.

Gene  

  

Romy
Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170
Plantation, Florida
6 posted 2001-01-18 10:55 PM


Pegasus111,
Thank-you for your great reply, coming from a poet like yourself, I am honored!

Bestgirl,
That stanza can be interpreted in a couple of different ways.  I like your interpretation!

Gene,
Your interpretation is great too! Thank-you for your words of support, they are greatly appreciated!

Broken_Winged_Angel
Senior Member
since 2000-04-06
Posts 994
Small Town, Somewhere
7 posted 2001-01-18 11:58 PM


Bravo!  I love this!!!
Munda
Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands
8 posted 2001-01-19 11:12 AM


Debbie, anoter great poem floated from your pen. Loved it!  
Romy
Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170
Plantation, Florida
9 posted 2001-01-19 11:21 AM


BWA and Munda,
Thank-you!
I know that there are a few changes to be made, including changing the line "nesting in your hair" to "resting in your hair" LOL! but I appreciate your support and value your comments! Your words of encouragement motivate me to keep trying!

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