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wordancer
Senior Member
since 2000-07-30
Posts 809
VA

0 posted 2001-01-02 02:47 AM


Revision:  Well now, I going to admit I have tendency to post too quickly when I’m writing…and I see I did it again.     but then again, a lot of times by seeing it on the screen it reads different...strange, perhaps the color contrast...also by the replies I get,I can see what I actually wrote, and that this original post not quite what I wanted.   I also wanted to play on the other meaning of domino too, and it appears it was not very clear, or perhaps too deep in the other version or perhaps I just imagine I had it there...just got to love writing in the wee hours of the morning!!!!!


dominoes

all those years
in a row
dominoes

so rigidly stands
the night that waits
does it matter
what position you hold
in a row
of the endless falsehoods
blanks eyes masquerade
lying in disguise
dot-to-dot
all those years
dominoes

touch of fate
clickly-clack
reality crashes
down the row
serpentine surrender
of upended darkness
to wait for the first fall
as you play
for all those years
dominoes



The original version:


all those years
in a row
dominoes

so rigidly stands
the night that waits
does it matter
what end you stand on
in a row
all those years
dominoes

touch of fate
clickly-clack
reality crashes
down the row
serpentine surrender
of upended darkness
to wait for the first fall
as you play
for all those years
dominoes


< !signature-->

"Come...dance with me, into my world of words."




[This message has been edited by wordancer (edited 01-02-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Beverly A. Tift - All Rights Reserved
pegasus111
Member Elite
since 2000-07-27
Posts 2219
ocala, fl, usa
1 posted 2001-01-02 03:56 AM


oh my..such hopelessness felt here..is life really so mechanical?  what thoughts... you make my head ache..

the woods are lovely, dark, and deep, but I have promises to keep, and many miles to go before I sleep...Frost


kaile
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146
singapore
2 posted 2001-01-02 06:18 AM


wordancer, the title pulled me in and i had an idea i was going to like this one...

i enjoyed the sentiments here...it made me think and i do believe standing which end of the row does make a difference...i am a fighter and even if i am a domino, i will choose to stand on the far end, cos i wont want to be taken down that fast and that easily....

forgive my ramblings but that was a good poem of yours

wordancer
Senior Member
since 2000-07-30
Posts 809
VA
3 posted 2001-01-02 11:52 AM


peg & kaile, thanks for your responses, I can see that I did't quite take this where it wanted to go. Two completely different directions...perhaps I should title them Domino I and Domino II...  

-wordancer

[This message has been edited by wordancer (edited 01-02-2001).]

Quiet One
Junior Member
since 2001-01-01
Posts 46
Shhhhh
4 posted 2001-01-02 12:16 PM


You think you know those around you, but all you know is whats on the surface, there for all to see, but truth be known ... the longer and better we know someone the harsher the reality hits when we discover there's 'no fool like an old fool'

kcsgrandma
Senior Member
since 2000-09-24
Posts 1522
Presque Isle, ME
5 posted 2001-01-02 10:51 PM


You're right, I don't see the second meaning of dominoes in the original version.   I do think it's a bit easier to follow the revised version, too.  Nice write, and thanks for the explanation and the comparison.  It's good to see how others work.

To love another person is to see the face of God.
- Les Miserables

Marilyn

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
6 posted 2001-01-02 11:49 PM


bravo........wonderful thoughts on this one!


I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

wordancer
Senior Member
since 2000-07-30
Posts 809
VA
7 posted 2001-01-03 09:17 AM


Hello quiet one, it does sound like you have been well-burned...

Dopey, thanks  

kcsgrandma...I too enjoy learning how other people put their words together, and I'm so glad I pull myself out of bed for this one, before it got away.

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