Your Spirit Voice (A Re-write)

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Romy
Senior Member

since 2000-05-28

Posts 1170
Plantation, Florida

0 posted 2000-10-16 11:04 AM

After writing the poem "Without a Voice" for my dad who has throat cancer, I still wasn't happy with the end result! It wasn't quite what I wanted to say. For anyone interested in commenting, please tell me if you think this is a better version to send him!
Thanks!

Your Spirit Voice

Dad,
You never need to say a lot,
to speak so much to me,
your spirit voice is strong and clear
for all the world to see.

It isn’t how you sounded,
it’s what you’ve had to say,
a few words chosen carefully,
could brighten up my day.

I’ve always known you loved me,
it isn’t what you said,
the love and pride shines in your eyes,
you tell me there instead.

I listen to you near my heart,
the message you convey,
everything you’ve wished you said
or ever hoped to say.

Your voice is in a gentle breeze
that brushes near my cheek,
or in the sun that warms my soul,
this is how you speak.

Don’t worry dad, I understand,
the words you’d like to say,
it’s not too late for us to talk
a new and different way.

Lets talk without our voices now,
it really doesn’t matter
it’s how we sound inside that counts,
not useless words we chatter.

In thoughts and eyes and action,
I hear the song you sing,
in being just the man you are
and all the joy you bring.

I love you Dad.

[This message has been edited by Debbie (edited 10-16-2000).]

Alle'cram
Senior Member

since 2000-02-28

Posts 1816
Texas

1 posted 2000-10-16 01:06 PM

Debbie,
This is lovely and so full of love for your dad. The message clearly comes through.
What a wonderful tribute to him, one which will bring him much pleasure, without a single sound uttered. Marcy

Honey Bunch
Member

since 2000-08-08

Posts 99
South Africa

2 posted 2000-10-16 05:08 PM

Debbie, this is truly wonderful. What a beautiful relationship you have with your father which nothing will ever break. I wish him strength.

Helen

kcsgrandma
Senior Member

since 2000-09-24

Posts 1522
Presque Isle, ME

3 posted 2000-10-16 06:08 PM

I do think this one is better. It reads more smoothly. And I love the thought of spirit voices. Very nicely done!

To love another person is to see the face of God.
- Les Miserables

Marilyn

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

4 posted 2000-10-16 07:54 PM

Debbie-
   This is beautiful.
   Your love for your dad shines
   brightly in the words you've
   written here.  I'm sure he
   will love it.

(((((hugs)))))
   -vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his
heart, you have not truely met the poet."
-vlraynes

Romy
Senior Member

since 2000-05-28

Posts 1170
Plantation, Florida

5 posted 2000-10-17 08:51 AM

Marcy, Helen and Vicky,
thanks so much for taking the time to read my poem! I felt like I really needed somebody else's opinion before I sent it to him. Thanks for the encouragement!

Marilyn, I appreciate that you took the time to read both poems. I think this one sounds a little better than the first one too! Just needed to hear someone say it! Thanks!

Oh, and I think "spirit voice" is better than saying, "now that you have lost your voice". That line made my poem sound like a warped Hallmark card!

Broken_Winged_Angel
Senior Member

since 2000-04-06

Posts 994
Small Town, Somewhere

6 posted 2000-10-18 02:08 AM

I agree.. I like this one the best of the two, too... Very nicely done again..

With a little piece of tomorrow,
You'll have to kiss yesterday goodbye.
Because today won't last forever,
And the past will only make you cry.

bestgirl911
Senior Member

since 2000-10-04

Posts 551
Clio, MI , United We Stand

7 posted 2000-10-18 01:09 PM

*applauding* What a beautiful way to show him how much you love him.....How lucky he is to have so much love from his daughter....Prayers to your dad.

Best

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