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In Grace-Justbleu Challenge
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In Grace-Justbleu Challenge |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland 
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I am attempting to change my writing style, and experiment with different things. This poem is somewhat different to my usual style...I hope...still has metaphors. ===================================== Culled a whisper from the shadows. Treasured true to its song, a sweet lullaby from across gravity's edge. Now I am sitting on a broken floor with crystalline hearts shattered from another's deceitful ties. I thread barefoot to my cell window, grazed skin on jagged diamond edge but agony is my antidote to coma escape. My flesh a passionate red, can you see the flames ignite in my eyes? A desire to consume you in grace. As I lay my weary body to rest a spectre kiss of your lips seals the night. I turn to black, a breath of dust from your mouth plants a flower in my lungs. Everything fades from light and you are no where to comfort me, only as desert illusions can I hold your hand. Bury my self and then you arise lost maybe in distance, but never in heart A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral. Antoine de Saint-Exupéry [This message has been edited by brian madden (edited 06-24-2000).] |
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Lost Dreamer Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464Somewhere near the Rainbow |
Brian, You should have this set up for book submission, it's fabulous. I can't even pick a favorite line cause they all just shine. If I had to it would be: "from your mouth plants a flower in my lungs." What a thought that is, absolutely mesmerizing. Thanks for sharing your talent here with us. |
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Justbleu Member Elite
since 1999-08-31
Posts 3329Oregon, Originally From Alaska :) |
Brian this is great....people are taking my challenge right and left and not letting me know.....but then I go in the Pub and what do I see but several surprises for my eyes to read!!!!!! Thank You...challenge well met!! Good writing!! Loved it!! Bridgette  "Somewhere, somehow, it should be possible to touch someone and never let go again. To hold someone, not for a moment but forever." Unknown |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Culled a whisper from the shadows. Treasured true to its song, a sweet lullaby from across gravity's edge. Now I am sitting on a broken floor with crystalline hearts shattered from another's deceitful ties. I thread barefoot to my cell window, grazed skin on jagged diamond edge but agony is my antidote to coma escape. My flesh a passionate red, can you see the flames ignite in my eyes? A desire to consume you in grace. As I lay my weary body to rest a spectre kiss of your lips seals the night. I turn to black, a breath of dust from your mouth plants a flower in my lungs. Everything fades from light and you are no where to comfort me, only as desert illusions can I hold your hand. Bury my self and then you arise lost maybe in distance, but never in heart ----------------- YEP the WHOLE POEM  WOW unbelievable imagery Bri and the depth of emotion is unreal as well amazing self expression awed by you again my friend...once again love ya eve/jm |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
Brian, this poem is amazing....strongly tightly packed with original metaphors...i almost held my breath when i was reading this poem my favourite line is: agony is my antidote to coma escape....dont think i can fully understand the sentiments here but somehow, it appeals to me you have a fan here and rest assured i will look out for more of your work |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
LD, thanks for your response. I just wrote the poem today and usually it takes a while for me to decide whether I like the poem or not. I just wanted to get feedback, but I have submitted two poems to the book submission "stream of conscience" and "winter star." Thank you for your wonderful response. well I feel honoured to be surrounded by talented people. Bridgette, a wonderful challenge idea. It is amazing the different ways that people perceive the line "maybe in distance, but never in heart" thank you for your lovely response. Jan, "awed" glad I could return the favour. thanks you for your continued support and kindness.kaile, this is one of those poems taht sort of flowed out me. For me the line "agony is my antidote to coma escape". is that we need pain to remind us that we are alive, to live we must suffer, but in suffering we challenge ourselves to become stronger. Thank you for your wonderful response. "I see myself as an intelligent, sensitive human, with the soul of a clown which forces me to blow it at the most important moments". Jim Morrison |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
..a breath of dust... Let us in on your secret!! Or make this a challenge in the English Workshop!  |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
my secret!?! I wish I had one. Luck I guess, thanks for your lovely reply. "but for the lovers, their arms Round the griefs of the ages, Who pay no praise or wages Nor heed my craft or art" Dylan Thomas. |
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kelieth Member
since 2000-06-12
Posts 314Normal IL - USA |
Great job. I enjoy reading your work each and every time. The style change is fine. Kevin "Anything is possible with patience, time is the tool use it to reach your goals." |
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