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Sven
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Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

0 posted 2000-06-21 08:50 PM


morning rain falls
lonely heart calls
echoing these halls
shaking these walls

sad voice calls
wandering the halls
pounding the walls
afternoon rain falls

pacing the halls
climbing the walls
night rain falls
quiet soul calls

tearing the walls
morning rain falls
scared body calls
running the halls

single tear falls
returning love calls
filling the halls
shattering these walls

-------------------------------------------------------------------



That which gives light must endure burning
--Victor Frankl



© Copyright 2000 John Garcia - All Rights Reserved
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

1 posted 2000-06-21 09:08 PM


The repetition of the rhyme scheme works very well with this subject matter. Well done, Sven!

Denise

Elizabeth
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Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871
Minnesota
2 posted 2000-06-21 11:39 PM


Good work, Sven!

Elizabeth


I'm grabbing my hat and coat
I'm leaving the cat a note
Quick call me a ferry boat-getting out of town!



kelieth
Member
since 2000-06-12
Posts 314
Normal IL - USA
3 posted 2000-06-22 02:38 AM


Great Job.  I look forward to reading more.  


Kevin

"Anything is possible with patience, time is the tool use it to reach your goals."

Broken_Winged_Angel
Senior Member
since 2000-04-06
Posts 994
Small Town, Somewhere
4 posted 2000-06-23 08:33 AM


Hmm..You've managed to leave me speechless for a few moments.. I really, really like this.  Wonderful job.

I awake to a world I don't want. There is no transition for me. I am in heaven. I am in hell.

kaile
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Member Ascendant
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146
singapore
5 posted 2000-06-23 01:15 PM


LOL,Sven,this is creativity and originality in its finest!!

A pat on your shoulder pls

JOY 14
Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419
Wisconsin USA
6 posted 2000-06-23 05:50 PM


Sven,
I also liked the repeating lines much.  One thing leads to another in this poem.  Nice!

Joy

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old time is still a-flying,
And this same flower that smiles today
To-morrow will be dying.

-Robert Herrick


brian madden
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374
ireland
7 posted 2000-06-24 03:09 PM


a great poem I love the use of the four words walls calls etc. in different context.
wonderful.

A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral.
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Marina
Member Elite
since 2000-02-10
Posts 2245
Pickering, Ontario
8 posted 2000-06-24 11:25 PM


This is a little darker then most of your work.  Written from heart for sure.

Marina




It is blessing to have wings for your words, and passion to flow from pen.

Marina Crossley


Sven
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Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
9 posted 2000-06-25 05:46 PM


Thank you all my friends. . . this one just kind of fell into place. . . it's funny how that will happen sometimes. . .

Thank you. . .

-------------------------------------------------------

That which gives light must endure burning
--Victor Frankl



passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
10 posted 2004-12-25 11:23 AM


very nicely done
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