»
Archives
»
The Corner Pub
»
The Road Home
| The Corner Pub |
|
The Road Home |
|
|
Wikket Member
since 2000-01-29
Posts 340Santa Clara, CA USA 
|
A small child weeping… She walks a lonely road dreaming… Carrying her heart which is breaking… In her hands that are shaking… The girl watches the trees wondering… Sees the limbs beckoning… The cliffs just beyond whispering… Her wretched thoughts mounting… And her sanity scrambling… Out of her mind; on a thread dangling… As she wanders her path set in stone. --Kinda wrote this one for my sister, she's going through some hard things. She doesn't know yet, what do you all think? |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Jamie Carlson - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
It's good..the tone is dark, but I guess that's what you were going for....hope your sister is doing better..  |
||
|
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
I like it too! I'm sure she'll love it! Denise |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
this is very good..I like the way you wrote it "stretched out"...Im sure your sister will be very moved by the poem and the fact that she inspires you..and hopefully will find strength and healing in your words...the true gift of giving another a poem. Take care, Janet Marie Some things cannot be explained by verses that rhyme, They are not measured by the commitment of time. Some emotions run too deep to be described by words, Forgiveness and understanding- remain the most beautiful words ever heard. Janet Marie |
||
|
Exile Junior Member
since 2000-01-23
Posts 42 |
Wow... How old is your sister? It DOES seem pretty dark...to be honest, I was hoping for an upbeat ending. This one's hard to forget....esp. for an Exile, to whom "the road home" has a special meaning. I wish you and your sister the very best; please keep us informed of her progress. Exile |
||
|
Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
This is a good poem Wikket ! If I were you're sister, I'd be deeply touched you wrote something for me, eventhough the circumstances might have been better. Hope she feels better soon : ) |
||
|
Gene Senior Member
since 2000-01-23
Posts 935Colorado, USA |
Wikket, Nice poem. Maybe you could tell your sister that there are many paths in life. Also, even stone changes. ~Gene [This message has been edited by u_gene (edited 02-01-2000).] |
||
|
Wikket Member
since 2000-01-29
Posts 340Santa Clara, CA USA |
Thank you all for your comments... I appreciate them. Actually, I wrote this trying to put myself in her mind. Right now, she sees everything one from one vantage point and I was trying to develop the idea that the only way to change where she's going is to change the way she sees it. Guess I screwed up there! --Jamie  "...at night I cling to you I'm so afraid; afraid the day will come and I'll wake up and find you gone. But you promise that you'd not abandon me and kissed my fears away but I woke up to that day..." 'Waking up Beside You' by Stabbing Westward |
||
|
Broken_Winged_Angel Senior Member
since 2000-04-06
Posts 994Small Town, Somewhere |
Beautiful and soul touching... |
||
|
Swåmp¤Faerÿie Member
since 2000-03-29
Posts 358Illinois |
no,wikket i don't really think you messed it up,but i would look for a place to put in a line or two about things being the way they are to her....only because she sees them that way. Tell her she can change that. And there she weaves by night and day, a magic web of colours gay.~Tennyson |
||
|
Swåmp¤Faerÿie Member
since 2000-03-29
Posts 358Illinois |
P.S. it's a wonderful poem anyway  And there she weaves by night and day, a magic web of colours gay.~Tennyson |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
