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Roads |
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Trillium 
since 2001-03-09
Posts 12098Idaho, USA 
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There are roads that lead to countries and roads that lead to town. Some of no distinction and some of great renown. Roads of dirt and gravel, Though most are tarred or paved. Some that are abandoned and some that have been saved. There are roads across the desert where countryside is parched. Roads on army bases, where many feet have marched. Roads that lead to London and roads that lead to Rome. Roads that are familiar and carry you back home. But on these dusty roads we plod, there's only one that leads to God! Betty Lou Hebert |
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| © Copyright 2001 Betty Lou Hebert - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I'd have to critique the scheme of rhyme here, the last two lines were defiant of it. It seemed to hurt the flow a bit for me. Seems like they should be more obedient of the format you created... my advice would be to add two lines to the poem to bring it all together. Other than that, it's a good poem. One of those that seem to build you up for one big point that is only made at the end. Nicely done. ~Allan If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort |
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Trillium
since 2001-03-09
Posts 12098Idaho, USA |
Allan: Thanks for your critique. i think you're right. I'll re-write it. Betty Lou Hebert |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
Great, succinct piece, Betty! Well done! |
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ellie LeJeune Member Elite
since 2000-01-10
Posts 4156King of Prussia, PA USA |
beautifully written! And we each have our own road to travel with Him! Ellie A friend hears the song in my heart, and sings it to me when my memory fails. |
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2dalimit Member Elite
since 2000-02-08
Posts 2228Mississippi coast |
The message is so right and so concise. Melton |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
Ok, I'll be honest.  I agree with Allan, the last 2 lines did tend to throw it off.If there's a way to rework the last 2 lines, leaving the meaning of what was written, but to make it blend a little smoother. But...I love the way it ended! I applause you for a most wonderful piece (peace)! In all this was a most excellent poem! Library it goes.  <*\\\>< |
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sandgrain Member Elite
since 1999-09-21
Posts 3662Sycamore, IL, USA |
Whatever road we're on, we can find our way to God, as He allows U-turns. Your work is all so lovely and I feel so blessed to have access to it. Thank you, Rae |
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Lighthousebob Member Elite
since 2000-06-14
Posts 4725California |
Trillium, What a delightful poem. I really enjoyed all the different types and descriptions of roads. It's great to know that we can all worship God no matter what the road looks like that we happen to be on at the time. God bless you, Bob <>< |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
boy, I couldnl't agree more. |
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Trillium
since 2001-03-09
Posts 12098Idaho, USA |
Thank you everyone for reading and commenting. I did re-write the poem and changed the last two lines to four. It has better flow now. I appreciate all the critiques! Betty Lou Hebert |
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BloomingRose Member Elite
since 2000-08-09
Posts 3092Florida |
Good poem! So true, the road that leads to God is narrow, but leads to eternal life with him. Deb |
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