Open Poetry #4 |
Revision of Delight |
caroline Senior Member
since 1999-08-16
Posts 1218http://members.xoom.com/belladona123/index.htm |
Somnolent Delight, as revised by a good friend Somnolent Delight Night befalls a name A scar upon my lips I plea, to have his presence- singe my fingertips Eyes, closed in sleep His, open wide To fall, those bluing depths I know there's truth inside Deeper, I wander in slumber Softer, longer to be graced Wrapped in arms of stealthy charm Lullaby'd by his trusting face Kisses drop like stars' Soft Light Lavishing Somnolent delight And then...to change the original poem's layout to a sonnet... Somnolent Delight Nightly falls your name Beloved upon my lips A plea to feel your nearness beneath my fingertips Eyes of mine close in sleep to bring yours open wide that I may fall into those depths and know the truth inside By deeper turn of slumber silk caress my skin be graced Enveloped in your arms Lullaby'd by sweet embrace Kisses drop like stars' soft light… Lavishing somnolent delight Ok are y'all sick of these re-writes yet? LOL Cast your vote! ------------------ Time's fun when you're having flies~~Kermit the Frog |
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© Copyright 1999 Caroline - All Rights Reserved | |||
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
You're good in any form, caroline. I prefer the second. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
I just reread the original - still like that! Though this is definitely great in Sonnet form. Yep - I think out of all three I like the sonnet version best. Especially the couplet, it's like a jewel of words. K |
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U K Hero Member
since 1999-08-08
Posts 266England |
The top one by far, dont listen to any others Caroline... but I have to say all are good. |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Beautiful poems Caroline--both of them although the first is my favorite |
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Pepper Member Elite
since 1999-08-19
Posts 3079Southern Florida |
I like them both Caroline but the first one is my pick.... beautiful work... ------------------ A soul that writes from the heart and shares it, truly gives a gift extraordinaire! |
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