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caroline
Senior Member

since 1999-08-16

Posts 1218
http://members.xoom.com/belladona123/index.htm

0 posted 1999-11-17 07:37 PM

Somnolent Delight, as revised by a good friend

Somnolent Delight

Night befalls a name
A scar upon my lips
I plea, to have his presence-
singe my fingertips

Eyes, closed in sleep
His, open wide
To fall, those bluing depths
I know there's truth inside

Deeper, I wander in slumber
Softer, longer to be graced
Wrapped in arms of stealthy charm
Lullaby'd by his trusting face

Kisses drop like stars'
Soft
Light
Lavishing
Somnolent delight

And then...to change the original poem's layout to a sonnet...

Somnolent Delight

Nightly falls your name
Beloved upon my lips
A plea to feel your nearness
beneath my fingertips

Eyes of mine close in sleep
to bring yours open wide
that I may fall into those depths
and know the truth inside

By deeper turn of slumber
silk caress my skin be graced
Enveloped in your arms
Lullaby'd by sweet embrace

Kisses drop like stars' soft light…
Lavishing somnolent delight

Ok are y'all sick of these re-writes yet? LOL
Cast your vote!

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Time's fun when you're having flies~~Kermit the Frog

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

1 posted 1999-11-17 07:45 PM

You're good in any form, caroline. I prefer the second.

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

2 posted 1999-11-17 07:46 PM

I just reread the original - still like that!
Though this is definitely great in Sonnet form. Yep - I think out of all three I like the sonnet version best. Especially the couplet, it's like a jewel of words.

K

U K Hero
Member

since 1999-08-08

Posts 266
England

3 posted 1999-11-18 05:07 PM

The top one by far, dont listen to any others Caroline...
but I have to say all are good.

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

4 posted 1999-11-18 05:44 PM

Beautiful poems Caroline--both of them although the first is my favorite

Pepper
Member Elite

since 1999-08-19

Posts 3079
Southern Florida

5 posted 1999-11-19 06:10 PM

I like them both Caroline but the first one is my pick.... beautiful work...

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A soul that writes from the heart and shares it, truly gives a gift extraordinaire!

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