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Open Poetry #4
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amandafoose
Junior Member
since 1999-12-20
Posts 11


0 posted 1999-12-20 08:02 PM



I want to wake up to your hand beside mine
I want to be your one and only
I want to be there when you feel excited
I want to be there when you're lonely

Summer days won't be summer days
Without a kiss and you beside me
My air will not have oxygen
Unless it is the air that you breathe

I need you
Only you
No one else fits the puzzle
You make my picture complete
And a life without you is something i cannot withstand
Spend your days with me
Your night can be my night
We will live a life of paradise
All the rest is eternity

© Copyright 1999 amandafoose - All Rights Reserved
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

1 posted 1999-12-20 09:06 PM


I don't think it sounds bad, I think it sounds like LOVE!  

 Denise



Jordan Lake
New Member
since 1999-12-20
Posts 6

2 posted 1999-12-21 08:00 AM


I think it sounds good Amanda. My only advice is to let it flow... let the words live inside your soul, and then just let print themselves upon the paper. Poetry cannot be forced upon a page. Poetry is not only words, it is the essence you create when you express the intricasies of your inner-self. Take care Amanda, and please keep writing, I have enjoyed your work.
Fairy Colours
Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 169
Sunrise,Fl,US
3 posted 1999-12-21 09:40 AM


OOO. I think somebody's in love too. Great poem.

--A Little Fairy--

starboards
Member
since 1999-10-14
Posts 467
longwood, florida
4 posted 1999-12-21 11:42 AM


I think this is far from bad...this shows true love which is always a good subject to write on...great job!

Starboards

 
"I wont look back, I wont regret, though it hurts like hell someday I will forget"

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
5 posted 1999-12-21 11:52 AM


Another hopeless romantic  
Iloveit
Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 1121
NM
6 posted 1999-12-21 12:00 PM


yep another hopeless romantic...sigh....really nice poem  
Local Rebel
Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767
Southern Abstentia
7 posted 1999-12-21 01:37 PM


Well,

Don't know how hopeless she is but she definitely is in love... classically I'd say

Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
8 posted 1999-12-21 02:35 PM


Wonderful words Amanda. . .

I must agree with Jordan. . . poetry comes from the heart. . . so let your heart guide you. . . let your voice sing. . . show us your song. . .

The best words come from within us. . .

 That which gives light must endure burning
--Victor Frankl



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