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Open Poetry #4
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Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704


0 posted 1999-12-17 09:27 PM


When mooned
the sky
shifts at light
stars are
stronger than mountains
wider

yet
warmed
by representation
from foolish minstrels
and sonnet song

Ocean’s fairy
spray
touch faces
bare with love

loved barely

by those
who take her dangers
and mold them
to fit
a wooer’s sight

so
colder

than blood
in a lover’s
heart

We
vision soft
a poetic world
frail to the call
of human need
yet

colder

she pulses
caring not
for folly
joy
or aching sighs

colder

she lies
numb beneath
our feet
obliviously live
so deaf
to the praise
sung through her
name

and
colder

the seasons turn

18.12.99


< !signature-->

 ...no longer lend your strength to that which you wish to be free from, fill your lives with love and bravery and you shall lead lives uncommon...

[This message has been edited by Severn (edited 12-17-1999).]

© Copyright 1999 Kamla Mahony - All Rights Reserved
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
1 posted 1999-12-17 09:32 PM


This poem gave me the shivers....and not from the cold. I love the way you represented the underlying thought here.
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
2 posted 1999-12-17 09:34 PM


I read this several times.  This is a complex poem and beautiful as yours always are.
Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
3 posted 1999-12-17 10:23 PM


Kamla,
Abstactly creating a concrete vision.
Lovely!
Liz

Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
4 posted 1999-12-17 10:23 PM


How intriguing..... Very nicely done, Severn.. I do enjoy your work...
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

5 posted 1999-12-17 10:28 PM


I could feel this one. You certainly can weave fine words together!  

 Denise



hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
6 posted 1999-12-18 02:12 AM


Whew...you've done a good job with this one  
poetFemmeFatale
Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646
Arkansas
7 posted 1999-12-18 02:19 AM


Exquisitely beautiful young lady!  I do enjoy reading your thoughts, and your poetry!  I applaude you on this one for sure!  ***clapping !!

 - - - If I can just touch you once, then I feel I have accomplished what I am called to do...- - pFF


Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
8 posted 1999-12-18 04:03 AM


And I with chills
  of winter borne
  a song so dreary toned
Caught inside life's
  endless trial
  where metal heart's entombed.

Brilliant and cold indeed K.

DreamEvil
Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396

9 posted 1999-12-18 04:13 AM


Coldness of soul can be a blessing my friend, though you know it not until pain comes down on you.

Very well done.  


 Now and forever, my heart hears ~one voice~.
DreamEvil©
-------------------------------------------------------
"Either kill me or take me as I am,
because I'll be damned if I ever change..."

Count Donatien Alphonse Francois de Sade
(Marquis de Sade)


Rod
Member
since 1999-12-08
Posts 149
Auckland New Zealand
10 posted 1999-12-18 05:13 AM


Gave me the shivers too!
Deep - and well engineered as usual.
You have superb semantic panache Kamla!
Well done!

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

11 posted 1999-12-18 07:13 AM


Balladeer - thankyou my friend - wasn't sure if it would be clear actually...!  

Martie - thankyou, and thankyou also for reading it more than once - that means a lot you know!

Liz - that is a great way to put it. It sounds very English Majorish.   Thanks. K

Nan - why thankyou! Same goes.

Denise - poems are tapestries of experience, I think my friend - thankyou!!

Ruth - Phew is just how I felt after it! LOL. Thanks  

Gen - Wow. Hey, thanks for that! How are you anyway? Big smiles!  

Chris -

Yet I know
inside a stripped soul
that summer cries
a tune
I cannot help
but follow

Follow it close
my friend for
it is inevitable
as the sky's cycle.

HUGS...

Scott - I do know...and thankyou.  

Rod - Thankyou my friend, wow - that's quite a compliment - now go say that to yourself!!!

K



Pepper
Member Elite
since 1999-08-19
Posts 3079
Southern Florida
12 posted 1999-12-18 10:07 AM


Captivating! and Beautiful Severn!
I do love your work so......

 A soul that writes from the heart and shares it, truly gives a gift extraordinaire!
Shannon



Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
13 posted 1999-12-18 10:20 AM


Severn -
Loved the presentation.
Loved the thoughts.
Love ya' ..
~*Marge*~


 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com



Seaangel
Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 167
Auckland, New Zealand
14 posted 1999-12-18 05:04 PM


Not cold but flushed with the heat of life, however lived...sea or earth or stars, I believe the energy of atoms gives us the right to share the heat...apart from the provoking thought of this, Severn, I thought the poem itself was well-written and I liked the use of "colder" as a refrain...reminding us that all the universe is not the same as us.

 "Stop this day and night with me and you shall possess the origin of all poems,
You shall possess the good of the earth and sun (there are millions of suns left,)
You shall no longer take things at second or third hand, nor look through the eyes of the dead, nor feed on the spectres in books,
You shall not look through my eyes either, nor take things from me,
You shall listen to all sides and filter them from your self." >Walt Whitman, Song of Myself.

Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666
California
15 posted 1999-12-18 07:01 PM


Uh, I know I'm just stating the obvious but Man You're Good!  It got 15 degrees colder in here just reading this.  Excellent, Severn.


Michael

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
16 posted 1999-12-18 07:09 PM


Severn,
Agree Balladeer, *L* Sy

caroline
Senior Member
since 1999-08-16
Posts 1218
http://members.xoom.com/belladona123/index.htm
17 posted 1999-12-18 07:39 PM


Wrapping my blankie tighter around me and thinking...HOW DOES SHE DO IT?  
Awesome, Kamla...simply awesome  


 It's not the love you fear, but the fall from the height~Edwin McCain



Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

18 posted 1999-12-18 08:27 PM


*S* - Thankyou, dear friend. (merry christmas...)

Marge - love ya too. Thanks  

Sea - hmmm - too intelligent a reply for me...hehehehe - take a break OK - we still have a few weeks off! I beg to differ - we are not the same as the universe.
Thanks hon.

Michael - Thanks - hey, you can borrow some of Carolines blankies (if Gen doesn't mind!!)

Sy -  

Caroline - (Michael might want some of your blankies...) Thanks Mistress B, I appreciate it.


First__Knight
Senior Member
since 1999-11-08
Posts 678

19 posted 1999-12-19 11:51 PM


I feel the depth of this....The depth that coldness only shares with that who it touches...Excuse me while I go find a blanket.  I seem to be rather cold  

Excellent Severn

 Share what you are for you are what you share


Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

20 posted 1999-12-20 03:09 AM


First Knight! The rescuer of buried poetry!

Hehe - thankyou, for the rescuing and the praise...*twinkle*

K

mc
Member
since 1999-11-16
Posts 67
México
21 posted 1999-12-20 03:20 AM


It capture my senses to enjoy this exquisite cold and yet warm poem.
Very beautiful, K.

 mcestrada

andy
Junior Member
since 1999-12-16
Posts 17

22 posted 1999-12-21 12:17 PM


Bbbbbbbrrrrrrrr  
Excellent and cold yet in the middle of summer !
Nice, very nice words.  

MERRY CHRISTMAS    

samsonheart
Member
since 1999-12-20
Posts 72
Missouri rez.
23 posted 1999-12-21 01:01 AM


You're good.   lovely, lovely poem

samsonheart



passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
24 posted 2005-04-15 05:45 AM


wow
I knew this would be good before I clicked it

Mysteria
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
25 posted 2006-01-24 11:20 PM


Sometimes we just have to feel that cold to get that warm if you get my drift   Nice write Kamla.
Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural
26 posted 2007-11-12 07:13 PM


Enjoyed

ARCTIC WIND

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