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Peeping Tom
| Open Poetry #4 |
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Peeping Tom |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA 
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How long had I crouched in the bushes? Must have been quite long. I felt the cramps invade my calves although my legs are strong. My body clothed in black, I had a black cap on my head And, from my vantage point, I had a clear view of the bed. The evening was quite cold. I saw my breath escape my lips. My hands were chilled right to the bone, down to my fingertips. My vigil did not falter, though. I hid there in the gloom With hopes that soon I'd see her figure enter in the room. My patience was rewarded as I saw her cross the light And though I knew I'd hidden well I crouched back in the night. The see-through negligee she wore accented every curve. I could have taken her right then, if I had had the nerve. The lamp was there behind her and, with every move she made, The beauty of her figure was quite brilliantly displayed. Her shadows dancing on the walls made everything surreal. Emotions I could not control were what she made me feel. He entered then and I could feel the dark scowl on my face. I saw his arms around her and I heard the fall of lace. She raised her lips to his. I saw excitement in her eyes Intense enough to strongly drive my passions to new highs. By this time cramps ran up my legs, almost too much to bear For this pathetic creature hiding in the bushes there But, though I was in agony, I could not turn my head Away from her magnificence, now lying on the bed. I saw him lower to her, watched their bodies intertwine. I saw his hands caress her skin and wished that they were mine. I heard small sounds escape her lips in muted ecstacy And wished that, somehow, they had been produced by acts from me. Who was this man? What made him such a better man than I? I'm not considered ugly. I've been known to catch one's eye. If she gave me a chance, I'm sure I'd show her true delight But she's with him while I am just a creature of the night. Their lovemaking had ended and they held each other tight Until he said, "I'll call you", quickly dressed, kissed her goodnight. I heard the front door close and then I heard him drive away, Then turned my eyes back to the bed where, peacefully, she lay. My feelings overwhelmed me now. I could no longer hide! I scurried to the side door and I got myself inside. Pure fire was rushing through my veins. I hurried through the gloom Then lowered my shoulder and, with a rush, I crashed into her room. She screamed! She sprang up from the bed. Her eyes were open wide. I had a cruel look on my face I didn't try to hide. Before she had a chance to think of anything to say, I threw the gold band on the bed, then turned and walked away. |
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| © Copyright 1999 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved | |||
Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
The whole time I was thinking, "What a pervert!" and the ending totally threw me. Once again, you have done well, Balladeer. I could see him hiding, her lover with her, and the speaker storming in. Aside from the shock, the ending just about broke my heart. Thank you for sharing your words. E. ------------------ Nail to the mast her holy flag, Set every threadbare sail- And give her to the god of storms, The lightning and the gale! -Oliver Wendell Holmes |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
And thank you, Elizabeth, for your comment. I appreciate it. |
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Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
Here I am again--in this forum I have found some poems that have really spoken to me, and obviously this is one. May I print it? (Please?) |
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Ohme Senior Member
since 1999-07-17
Posts 816Texas |
Tragedy in the making! And I felt the heartache at the end!  |
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poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas |
Oh Gee Wow Balladeer! You certainly outdid yourself with this one! Mighty powerful it was! And good for him - for throwing the ring on the bed!! I too, had the same thoughts as Elizabeth....just knew he was a scalleywag....but then oh...what an ending!! BRAVO !! BRAVO !! **clapping hard!! ------------------ - - - If I can just touch you once, then I feel I have accomplished what I am called to do....- - pFF |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
The old Balladeer twist at the end! How well you weave a tale! P.S. Meet you on Rt 183! Liz [This message has been edited by Elizabeth Santos (edited 12-04-1999).] |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
MY GOODNESS Balladeer. Excellent!!!!!!!! (Does that emphasis it enough?) There you go again - assuming a voice. Superb...fantastic - I've just run out of words. You built the tension well, created the voice, set the scene and achieved the heart wrenching blow. I'm impressed. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Oh - I had to add, I think this could be written as a very effective short story as well. And like Elizabeth I would really like to print it - (first page of a magazine...? *twinkle*) |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Elizabeth....Absolutely! and with my gratitude. Ohme...Thank you for feeling it. Femme..It makes me SO glad you enjoyed it because you have given me a lot of enjoyment with yours lately. Thank you. Liz....Yep, that's me...the tale-weaver. Thank you very much. (I'll be there! Driving slow...) Severn..Thank you. Maybe it's time to pick out a name * smile * [This message has been edited by Balladeer (edited 12-04-1999).] |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
First thing I'm thinkin is a peepin tom? Fantasic twist at the end there. Totally unexpected. But we never know what to expect from you except great writing. And great this was....a bit unhappy at the end. |
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moonmoon Member
since 1999-08-13
Posts 277TX , USA |
Balladeer, I am speechless..so I can't say anything.... ***a standing ovation sir*** |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Another amazing tale my friend. I have to ditto the responses to the ending. (I always show up late...I think they work me too hard around here...lol) |
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poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas |
Oh yes !! And a standing ovulation from me too.....er....um....did I say that ?? ROFL  ------------------ - - - If I can just touch you once, then I feel I have accomplished what I am called to do....- - pFF |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Thank you, dovey and moonmoon. Marilyn....Don't work TOO hard! Femme...yes, you did....and if anyone could do it, you could! |
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Kevin
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729Torrington, Ct, Usa |
*sitting quite proud* i actually saw this coming halfway through damn good stuff balladeer |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Balladeer - I felt the suspense. Intense. Well said. The gold ring tossed upon the bed. Leaving, the only thing left to do. I felt my heart leave with you. ------------------ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ [email protected] |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Kevin....I knew some people would. Good job. Marge...your response is wonderful. Thank you. |
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sraet Junior Member
since 1999-08-04
Posts 31 |
Wonderfully done (as ususal). I had faith that you would bring it together somehow to have a deep and stirring impression...I loved reading it. |
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Dawne Junior Member
since 1999-12-05
Posts 15USA |
wonderful!! |
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caroline Senior Member
since 1999-08-16
Posts 1218http://members.xoom.com/belladona123/index.htm |
Brilliant, Sir...just brilliant  It's not the love you fear, but the fall from the height~Edwin McCain |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Another one to add to your masterpiece collection! Well done! I loved the ending! Denise |
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Lost Dreamer Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464Somewhere near the Rainbow |
Sir Balladeer, You never cease to amaze with your talent. This was very intense and brilliant. |
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
Bal: and there I was about to hit your character over the head ...LOL....Great climax! HUSG Yesterday is but today's memory and tomorrow is today's dream... |
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Pepper Member Elite
since 1999-08-19
Posts 3079Southern Florida |
I ditto Caroline ( Brilliant), and as a matter of fact, I ditto all above.....!!! This is an excellent piece Balladeer... A soul that writes from the heart and shares it, truly gives a gift extraordinaire! |
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Lucie Senior Member
since 1999-06-20
Posts 1077Houston |
I don't know what made me take this lover to our bed. Perhaps it was your distance and the cruel things you have said. The late nights you spent working and your weekends on the course. The way you turned your back in bed is what led us towards divorce. I waited and I watched you hoping you would realize. That our marriage was in jeopardy you could have seen it in my eyes. I know that there is no exuse to step outside our vows. But there is only so much that a lonely heart allows. I'm sorry that I hurt you but you have hurt me more. Instead of watching from the bushes you could have looked at me .... before. |
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Julie Senior Member
since 1999-08-20
Posts 739Houston, TX |
Like everyone else I am speechless...totally awesome. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Wow - so THAT's what you look like! Nice dog. |
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PhaerieChild Senior Member
since 1999-08-30
Posts 1787Aloha, Oregon |
And once again you astound me. Love the twist at the end.  If you love me like music, I'll be your song. ~Heart~ Dreamboat Annie Shawna R. Holder Boise, Idaho |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Geesh, M&M - I knew I could count on you to put an appropriate and meaningful twist at the end.... It sure is a tough one for any one (either sex) who's been there - Nice work, Deer.... |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
I don't think my sanity would have lasted through watching... one glimpse was more than enough... and your poem brings back some of those long ago tears. It's superb, 'Deer one... with all the new graphics, I can't access the forum from home anymore... but this was worth the wait! Lucie: Great reply!! [This message has been edited by suthern (edited 12-06-1999).] |
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Sally S. Senior Member
since 1999-06-07
Posts 847Ohio |
Well, I was totally caught off guard! You'd think I'd be used to your twists and turns...not this time!! My reaction?? I jumped a bit out of my seat and said "Whoa!" That says it all, my dear. |
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Iloveit Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 1121NM |
yep, like suthern says, painfully beautiful...sigh |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Wow........I am in awe...wonderfully written And Lucie...what a comeback |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
And then after he threw the ring, And noticed the room's decor, He apologized quite innocently, Cuz it was the house next store. Though he'd often peeped into this room, So many times before, This certainly was the first time, He'd run in through the door. Now the neighbors all knew Balladeer, He'd been peeping all 'round town, And they'd noticed him quite often, But knew he wasn't "sound". So later on that evening, While explaining to the "law" He said he was just mistaken, He had the address wrong. Now these days he only peeps, Into the cells adjoining, Watching the other inmates, Read their Playboys and only moaning. |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
And now my tears are ones of laughter! LOL. Thanks for that update, Toe! *G* |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
By the way....damn fine looking dog. What the hell's that other thing?....It's kinda like when Balladeer walked into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender said: "What in the world is that?"...The parrot said, "It's a poet....I got it over in Passions in Poetry".....they got thousands of them over there"...... |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
...and I hate it when that happens, Toe, yanno?  (Excellent comeback, you dog) For you other SERIOUS and RESPECTABLE poets, thank you very much for your kind comments! |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
Okay...The poem was just magnificient..laddie laddie....very unpredictable ending...blah blah, thought provoking....yea, yea...great content, rhyme etc....laddie laddie....fine work...from a great poet....yea...sad too...okay....and as usual...another damn masterpiece....but who here would have expected less from you?....Geesch.....It's like typing a "form letter" with everything you write?.....I hate you yanno?....You get all this praise etc., and I get comments from you?.....LOL...Seriously though my friend...you are a genius yanno?......Have ya ever eaten eagle? |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
I just had to add my (loud clapping) to all the above. How about a short story?--you are so good at tale-spinning. I know you must have a few under your belt. |
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Alicat Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094Coastal Texas |
Yanno...I really don't know which I prefer...the well-crafted words of an inspired Balladeer, or the swift and punny repartee betwixt him and his feet..um..Toes. Alicat the persnikitty As I sit here dimly thinking Watching modem lights a-blinking Churning out poetic hash. Lord, in all Your piety, Help me keep my sanity: Please don't let the modem crash! --Alicat |
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Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
Sir Balladeer: Once again my friend I must bow to you and yours... I echo all the above and applaud a tale well told. I also liked Toe addition Side Note: My wife complains of arthritis in her right hand, brought on from the time she broke it across her boyfriends jaw when she found him in bed with someone else. The cops say she won the fight two-to-one: her broken hand vs. his broken jaw and the other woman's arm. She says the arthritis is worth it. Boy do I love that woman! Again… an excellent offering. |
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Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
Moving this into my library. Elizabeth |
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Lisann Member
since 2001-01-31
Posts 350 |
This is an amazing piece Balladeer. However, I noticed that not one person really commented on the fact that this was written from a sheer heartbreaking experience and I am so sorry You had to go through this. I feel for you~~~~really I do. And no, Not all women are like this. I am very faithful to my husband. He is my one and only. |
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