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Munda
Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands

0 posted 2000-01-19 05:54 PM


Icy cold blood like a river
a bitter heart dark as the night
the sunshine’s making me shiver
no diff’rence between wrong or right
Falling from heights beyond measure
into the Devil’s lurid ache
such pain in finding a treasure
a universe made of real fake
Yet the rain purifies my soul
and innocent laughter my heart
begone with all pity my goal
for living itself is an art
So I’ll let the sun embrace me
and  peaceful waters flow inside
from now on I’ll see life’s beauty
accept life as low and high tide
Life, precious and full of delight
gift from the Almighty above
with all that is in me I’ll fight
for it’s life itself that I love


Sorry, I didn't mean to be "dark", it just came out.

Munda  


© Copyright 2000 Munda - All Rights Reserved
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

1 posted 2000-01-19 06:15 PM


Great poem, Munda! So what if it's dark? Don't apologize for writing what's crying to come out!! We all experience those ebbs and flows!! I love it!  
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
2 posted 2000-01-20 09:30 AM


Munda...this started out a bit dark, yes, but it certainly didn't end that way. I liked the personification with the line: "So I’ll let the sun embrace me"  


 At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet. ~Plato

Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906
Sitting in Michael's Lap
3 posted 2000-01-21 11:52 AM


Munda, you've done an excellent job here, throwing in snippets of personification here and there though you did not concentrate on one particular thing.  You also used a healthy dose of simile and metaphor, which share personification's natural habitat.  

And as to the subject matter -- life is rarely wine and roses, m'dear -- no one will chasten you for honesty ...  

--Kess


 You cannot choose the way of your death, but the path you choose will determine its own end.


Poertree
Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359
UK
4 posted 2000-01-22 02:26 PM


Munda

I wish I'd read this before starting my poem .. if this is dark then my attempt is fresh out of a coal mine in Hades ...lol .. I can't see why a little gloom and doom should allow teacher (or for that matter JB) to cry "foul" though   .

As a matter of fact I agree with Ruth that the lasting impression was not depressing at all ... I enjoyed it ... which is more than you'll be able to say about mine, if it ever gets off the blocks that is ..

Philip

[This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 01-22-2000).]

Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906
Sitting in Michael's Lap
5 posted 2000-01-22 05:41 PM


Okey dokey ma'am -- here we go ...

The only real instance of personification here is the line about the sun embracing you -- the sun naturally has no arms and therefore is being personified.

But -- you do use a few similes: the images in lines one and two are both presented in simile form.

Overall, there is nothing wrong with this poem, Munda.  It just isn't heavy on the personification -- so if you'd like to do another, feel free.  You know I'll help you however I can.  

--Kess


 Full fathom five thy father lies,
Of his bones are coral made,
Those are pearls that were his eyes;
Nothing of him that doth fade
But doth suffer a sea-change
Into something rich and strange...


--William Shakespeare, from The Tempest


Munda
Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands
6 posted 2000-01-25 12:56 PM


LOL I'm trying to get the hang of it....this personification thing, but I will try again !   and uhh Philip, show me, show me, show me ! I'm into dark lately   uhhh ? Who turned off the light ?
jbouder
Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash
7 posted 2000-01-27 05:28 PM


Munda:

Sorry it took me so long to get to this.  Nothing wrong with darkness, my friend.  I get enough of sickening sweetness at home (the kids are Teletubbies fans -- curse the BBC!!!   ).  Seriously, I enjoyed this a great deal. I saw personification in the "sun's embrace" but I also saw hints of it in "Life".  Am I off on this?

Philip:

If you keep describing me as an ogre like Brad who likes to cry "foul" I'm gonna hop on a Concorde to London and pop you in the nose.  I know it's true but, come on, the truth hurts!  

 Jim

"If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther


jbouder
Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash
8 posted 2000-01-27 05:28 PM


Hit the button twice.  Oops.

[This message has been edited by jbouder (edited 01-27-2000).]

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