I pulled on the big red pants, and fastened each suspender.
Geesh my bosses sure are cheap, this years Santa's the wrong gender!

Christmas Party, my pattootie, they’ve cut corners all year long.
Our jobs are more uncomfortable then a too-tight barbwire thong.

Had to make the decorations, to make it fair we all drew straws.
‘Deer's was long, so he’s the elf. Mine was short, so I’m the Claus.

You’d think my part was easy, pass out presents, HO! HO! HO!
But, I gotta buy the bosses gift, one for LngJhn, one for Toe.

They didn’t spring for open bar, they didn’t spring for food.
When we mentioned Christmas bonuses they got an attitude.

I stuffed my hair into the hat, glued the fake beard to my face.
Pulled the belt a little tighter, to hold the padding in its place.

“Deer was in some red striped tights, elfin shoes with silver bells.
A tiny hat upon his head, glittered beads on his lapels.



We stepped into the boardroom, (they didn’t even rent a hall.)
Table full of pot luck casseroles and employees, wall to wall.

LngJhn and Toe were mingling, and grinning ear to ear.
Expecting lots of presents in the bag held by “Elf ‘Deer.”

“Ho! Ho! Ho! My name is Santa and you’re on my naughty list.”
(I know I should have held my tongue, but in disguise, could not resist.)

“I’ve checked the names, I checked them twice.”
“LngJhn and Toe, you’ve not been nice!”

“You’ve been scrooges, you’ve been evil.”
“Causing stress and great upheaval.”

For making us work graveyard shift.
You don’t deserve a Christmas gift.

But we pooled our money, bit by bit.
All we could spare between you …split.

Since coal’s expensive, here’s the scoop
We’re gifting you with Frosty poop!



Merry Christmas!