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A home without a wall, |
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| Poetry Workshop |
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ConsoDance |
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Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! 
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here i am waiting, just anticipating what will lie ahead debating, contemplating the things that we once said you’ve got me in a dream world, a tilt-a-whirl world, a spinning, slide and swirl world. I am in over my head It’s too much to consider, I’m in a dither; my heart will writhe and whither as all my rhymes slither off the page to die away. The words will fly away While i am like a feather, unstable like the weather slipping from a tied-up tether on my way to being free it’s freedom that I’m craving, enough of wild raving midnight desire craving until I’m caving the only thing worth saving is me. --- Alison --- Is this where all the extra credit pays off? |
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| © Copyright 2008 Alison - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Hey, Alison! First of all, I like the poem. It has a tense, nervous, fast-paced rthym to it which adds to the words. Let's find out what we have here. waiting, anticipating. debating and contemplating are good internal rhymes that use consonance tilt-a-whirl world is alliteration spinning, sliding swirl world is alliteration consider and dither and whither and slither are internal rhymes feather and weather and tether are alliteration craving and raving and vaving are alliteration Consonance is not having middle or endings of words rhyme. Consonance is having the same consonants inside of words in a repetitive manner. In the example given....All mammals named Sam are clammy, the M is repeated throughout the line and not at the beginnings of the words, but somewhere in the body of it.Consonance is not rhyming - it is making a sound constant throughout the line. Try again? |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Yep, I knew I was kind of on the wrong track, but my mind is just refusing to cooperate. I'll be back. Thank you.  |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Who Wants To? Who wants to hold on to a mammal named Sam who is clammy? Who cares about slipping up and slapping and slurping his cheek? Who wants to write of consonance on Sunday in Johnsonville? Not me, nor I, or myself of whom I do speak. Who wants to marry Terrence out on the Barren Islands? Who wants pudding in the middle of diddling Freddy? Who wants to titter with kittens on tattered pages? Not me; be assured I am definitely not ready! Shimmers of Sam, the mammal, cram into my mind and ruddy Freddy rudders my thoughts with a glance. Balladeer makes me wallow in a consonant pall as I try to keep my head far out of my assonance. --- A  |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
How about extra credit if I dance? (gets my ringer and has her dance her patootie off)  (You know, there is just something wrong with this woman!) |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
:: Carefully folds my second attempt at this poem into a paper airplane and sails it across the room to my teacher :: |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Is our teacher AWOL? I hope that you are okay. A |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
sorry, Alison. Sometimes life gets in the way, along with work....even for me.  Loved your last attempt! You used some very clever combinations there that took some good imagination. B U T If you ever use DO in a sentence again to fill space, like "of whom I do speak", you will not be wearing the dunce cap...you'll be sitting on it all summer!!!  P.S Yes, there are extra credits for dancing but a pole must be involved.  |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Who Wants To? Who wants to hold on to a mammal named Sam who is clammy? Who cares about slipping up and slapping and slurping his cheek? Who wants to write of consonance on Sunday in Johnsonville? Not me! Because all these consonance make me want to shriek! Who wants to marry Terrence out on the Barren Islands? Who wants pudding in the middle of diddling Freddy? Who wants to titter with kittens on tattered pages? Not me; be assured I am definitely not ready! Shimmers of Sam, the mammal, cram into my mind and ruddy Freddy rudders my thoughts with a glance. Balladeer makes me wallow in a consonant pall as I try to keep my head far out of my assonance. --- A --- It was kind of just bad writing, but dunce cap sitting sounds kind of fun too --- |
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