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Nights of Cade (trochaic attempt)
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Nights of Cade (trochaic attempt) |
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Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! 
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Milk is lightly spiked with Coffee brandy, sweet. Mug, the handle broken, soothes my shaking hands, warming fingers. Spilling tears from night to day; missing Cade, a grief almost too great to stand. Sadness wells. The tears will (damn them) brew and spill. Tiny laughter lines are flooded, wet on face. Pain, once shadowed, jumps and cartwheels, dancing joy; almost playful, making scars with quick embrace Sorrow lingering, laughter, brave, makes a stand. Friendship, strong, will push away the pain endured, building bridges, linking happy times of life Cade, so special, died from cancer without cure. --- Alison ***** I am leaving in the morning and wanted to make an attempt before I leave. I can make corrections and post them when travelling. Thank you. A [This message has been edited by Alison (05-12-2008 06:49 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2008 Alison - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Good grief, woman! I confess I've never seen such a quick learner  I mentioned a few days ago in an e-mail that I wasn't sure if meter could really be learned by someone to whom it doesn't come naturally. You have certainly proven that theory to be invalid. You flow now like the Nile on a warm summer day! Excellent work, my friend.. One mistake... Sorrow lingering, laughter, brave, makes a stand. I will accept the "ering" in lingering to be one syllable, which maintains the rythym but BRAVE and MAKES are both stressed words. With the rest of your poem being so exact that is a small error  |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Milk is lightly spiked with Coffee brandy, sweet. Mug, the handle broken, soothes my shaking hands, warming fingers. Spilling tears from night to day; missing Cade, a grief almost too great to stand. Sadness wells. The tears will (damn them) brew and spill. Tiny laughter lines are flooded, wet on face. Pain, once shadowed, jumps and cartwheels, dancing joy; almost playful, making scars with quick embrace Sorrow lingers; laughter, persists, makes a stand. Friendship, strong, will push away the pain endured, building bridges, linking happy times of life Cade, so special, died from cancer without cure. --- Alison ******* Does that work now. It's hard to find all these little buggers! All I know is you are making this easy for me and fun for me. Thank you for that. What's next?  Alison |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Sorrow lingers; laughter, persists, makes a stand. Nope no cigar. you trade two stresses for two non-stresses. LAUGHT-er per-SISTS. Keep trying!  |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Oh my goodness, you are an extremely good student. I best hurry and try trochaic too uh? Well done girl! |
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